


Things Beginning With A

by DaydreamingofDragons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Self-Worth Issues, Sex Repulsion, and related angst, non-explicit sexual situations, poor communication skills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3728968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaydreamingofDragons/pseuds/DaydreamingofDragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam knew he should have avoided the Christmas party. A bit of mistletoe, some awkward conversation and now he's stuck with an undeniable crush on Gabriel. Two problems with this. Gabriel really doesn't seem the type to accept Sam's "no sex" stipulation. And Sam's pretty sure Gabriel's with Kali anyway. So, just why is he so interested in taking Sam on a date?</p>
<p>A human!AU in which Sam is asexual and not very happy about it. Gabriel is polyamorous and really determined to take Sam out for a date. Kali mostly wishes everyone else was a bit less dramatic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Asexual Supernatural Mini Bang.
> 
> Biggest thank you to ashahtaylor for her fabulous art, which I cannot make show up in this fic, probably because I'm overlooking something obvious. So, go check it out on her tumblr [here](http://ashahtaylor.tumblr.com/post/116184081258/my-contribution-to-the-supernatural-ace-mini-bang).
> 
> Also thank you to ladydrace and rsj-sexual for beta reading for me! And thank you to hixystix for beta reading, cheerleading, so many word wars, naming the coffee shop which turned into a bit of a thing and reassuring me I don't need to go hide under a rock. I'm probably going to go hide now anyway, but I really appreciate the thought!

“You need to stop moping, Sammy!” Dean shrugged his jacket on and headed for the door.

 

Sam looked up from his books spread across the table. “I'm not moping, I have homework. And stop calling me that.”

 

“It's Friday night,” Dean scoffed, “even you aren't _that_ much of a nerd.” Sam didn't bother to answer and Dean sighed. “Come on, at least you used to go out to the library. It wasn't much, but it was better than sitting in here all day!”

 

Sam stayed bent over his homework. “I don't wanna go out, okay?”

 

“Look, I'm sorry about your girlfriend, Sam. I really am. I tried to get dad to let us stay.” Sam knew; he had heard the argument, their father dismissing Dean as curtly at nineteen as he had at nine. So, they had left another crummy motel and Sam had left Amy but, unfortunately, his brother would _not_ leave off talking about it.

 

“It's fine,” Sam paused, wondering if he should continue. He could say anything to his big brother, he thought. Except, he'd been so damned proud when Sam had announced he had a girlfriend. Okay, the nudging and innuendo-laden hints had been uncomfortable, but... Sam didn't want to say anything that made his brother look at him differently. If he could even figure out what he wanted to say. “I don't... I don't really want to meet anyone else.” Except that wasn't quite true. Being with Amy had been fun. She'd been sweet and it had been great having someone else to talk to.

 

Dean walked over and clapped Sam on the shoulder. “You just need to get out there. Get back in the game.” He sighed. “Look, I know it can feel like they're it. The one. I dunno if there's any such thing. Just... get out and have some fun. Meet some chicks, fool around. You're still young, live a bit!”

 

“Yeah, 'cos you're such an old man,” Sam replied, rolling his eyes. He wondered if Dean was right. He had eventually outgrown the belief that his big brother was infallible, and now he was left questioning. He didn't think he was romanticising what he'd had with Amy. If he was, then surely he'd have forgotten about the feeling of discomfort he couldn't quite shake. It was brought back by Dean's mention of fooling around. Sam knew Dean meant sex. He didn't know if Dean assumed he had done it with Amy or not. They hadn't, although he thought Amy had been hinting. Sam admitted to himself that he had panicked a bit at that and started coming up with excuses not to be alone with her.

 

Sam sighed. He couldn't say that to his brother. Couldn't say that, in the end, he'd even been a little relieved to leave. Dean had never been nervous around girls in his life. He would laugh, not meaning it unkindly, and say Sam just needed to try it for himself to get it. They'd had the conversation before, when Sam was younger. “You go out, I'm gonna stay here and do my homework,” Sam told Dean, giving him a push in the direction of the door.

 

“Okay then. Don't wait up!” Dean called over his shoulder as the door shut behind him. Sam turned back to his books. He would need good grades if he wanted to get out of this someday. Other things would sort themselves out. Maybe Dean was right and he did just need to try it for himself.

 

**

 

“Well, that was fun, sugar.” The woman grinned as she wriggled her panties and tights back up. Distantly, Sam tried to remember if she'd mentioned her name. Surely she must have. Even if she hadn't, he was sure he would have asked, before. He thought he might have frowned, because her grin faded. “You okay there?”

 

He swallowed heavily. “Yeah, sure.” Fumbling with his pants he tucked himself away and dragged them back up. The girl opened the car door and crawled out. Sam followed after her. “Uh, thanks,” he offered. It felt both inadequate and insincere. “I guess I'll just...” He gestured away into the darkness. “See you.”

 

The girl gave him a knowing smile and he felt like a fool. “Bye, sugar.” She opened the door of her car and slipped in behind the wheel. On autopilot, Sam turned and headed for the main street. The car passed him just after he turned onto it, trudging his way back to the motel.

 

The walk back wasn't too long. Sam spent it very carefully not thinking about anything but how much he wanted to collapse into bed and sleep. Alone. He hoped Dean had either gone somewhere else with his girl or finished by now.

 

No such luck. Back at their motel room there was a sock looped over the door handle and Sam cursed. Having nowhere else to go, he sank down on the curb and waited, just hoping that John didn't stumble his way back and find him there. It would just fit with the horrible way his night was going.

 

Sam sat there, shivering slightly, staring at his feet and trying to think of nothing. The phantom sensation of hands against his skin and the smell of perfume kept intruding, and he shivered harder. By the time the door opened and the pretty brunette Dean had been flirting with emerged, he was shaking continuously, curled down over his knees, with his arms wrapped around his shins. He ignored the startled look from the lady, pushing himself to his feet and heading straight inside.

 

Any hopes he had cherished about avoiding Dean were quickly dashed. He was lazing on his bed with a satisfied grin. “Hey, Sammy! Good night for everyone, huh.” Sam just shrugged, hugging himself, and Dean clearly guessed something was wrong, his grin fading. “You doing okay there, little brother?”

 

“Apart from the fact that I got sexiled, and it's freezing out? Just fine,” Sam deflected. “I'm gonna take a shower.” He locked himself in the bathroom, desperate to avoid a conversation when he wasn't entirely sure he wasn't going to throw up or something equally humiliating.

 

Only a generous person would have described the shower as hot, but Sam stood under the spray until he finally stopped shaking. Every time he had been told 'you'll understand when you're older' or 'just wait 'til you try it for yourself' replayed in his head. He had come to believe that must be true, that he was just too young or too immature to get it. He didn't feel young or immature right then; mostly he felt tired. But he definitely didn't get it. _What's wrong with me?_

 

**

 

Sam rested his head on his drawn up knees, taking still shaky breaths and wishing he felt less on the verge of tears. He didn't know why he was still sitting outside their run-down house, why he hadn't just disappeared into the night. Well, come the fall he'd be running to Stanford just as fast as he could, and Dean and John knew it now. Maybe he was still there because he was less willing than he’d thought to leave them until he had to.

 

The yelling had stopped. Almost as soon as Sam had stormed out, actually. He wished he could have avoided the yelling; he had intended to, but somehow John always got to him. He could still hear voices inside though. Dean was still standing up for him, but tiredly, as if it was a duty rather than a passion. Sam half-wished he wouldn't bother. It did no-one any good. He was pretty sure John hadn't meant the 'freak' to slip out, hadn't seen Sam's reaction to it, or realised that was what had made finally walk out, unable to defend himself.

 

The door opened and shut. “Sammy?” Dean called.

 

Sam considered the merits of staying silent and hoping Dean went back inside. He pushed himself to his feet. “Over here.”

 

Dean walked over and stood next to him, leaning back against the wall. “So, you're really running out on us, huh?”

 

Sam flinched. “That's not it. It's not about leaving you guys. It's... about doing something _I_ want.”

 

“Yeah, right,” Dean snorted. “You look me in the eye and tell me none of this is about leaving Dad.”

 

“Could you blame me?” 'Freak' repeated in Sam's head.

 

Dean sighed. “Come on, man. I know he says some shit, but you know it's 'cos he cares.”

 

Barely stopping himself from saying that no, he didn't know that at all, Sam rubbed his face and stayed silent. Dean continued, “It's kinda weird. The whole monk thing? That chick in the bar last week, all you'd've had to do was smile at her, dude! You can't _still_ be pining after that Annie chick, it's been years!”

 

“Amy,” Sam corrected, realising it didn't help his argument. “And I'm not pining.” He paused, wondering if it was worth trying to explain himself. “I'm just... not really interested?”

 

“It's sex, everyone's interested!” Sam's shoulders slumped at Dean's reply. Dean shuffled his feet. “Look, Sam,” he continued uncomfortably, “you know, you'd still be my little brother whatever, right? I mean, it'd be okay, if it's not girls...?”

 

“I'm not gay, Dean.” He'd thought of that himself, and one _very_ discreet encounter had proved to him that sex with guys wasn't any better for him than sex with girls, although the kissing had been just as nice, before it inevitably went further. “Just leave it, okay.”

 

“Hey, I was just trying to help!” Dean frowned as Sam shut him out.

 

“I don't _need_ your help!” Sam snapped, then bit his lip. It had been such a very long evening, he didn't need to fight with his brother on top of everything. “Leave it, Dean,” he repeated, tiredly. “Go on in, I'll be there in a bit.”

 

Once his brother had gone, he sank back down into the grass. _You can't help me, Dean. I know I'm a freak_.

 

**

 

Jess flopped back onto the pillows, panting, her eyes unfocused. Sam stroked her one last time, concentrating hard on her face, on the way her eyes fell shut as she shuddered, the way she bit down on her lip to keep from crying out again. He wiped his hand self-consciously on the sheets, although Jess was in no state to notice much at all. _She's so beautiful_. The most beautiful woman he had ever met, he'd thought when they were introduced and nothing had changed that opinion. He eased himself down next to her, propped up on one elbow so he could watch her come back to herself.

 

Gradually, Jess's eyes refocused and she turned her head, smiling lazily. “Sam,” she whispered, and Sam thought he would be willing to do anything at all to keep her looking at him like that. She rolled over and he accepted her soft kiss gladly, but the hand she trailed down his arm and across his stomach made him tense up. He cursed himself for thinking she might not have noticed that he hadn't come. Her fingers teased over his hip and he had to catch her hand before she went further, bringing it up to his lips and kissing her fingers.

 

“Let's just go to sleep,” he breathed.

 

Jess frowned. “But, you didn't...”

 

Sam sighed. “It's fine. It's late, we can just sleep.”

 

“Sam...” Jess's frown faded into concern. “Are you okay?”

 

Sam closed his eyes so he didn't have to see the look on her face. “Fine. Just tired.” _Why the hell couldn't I have just let her get on with it?_

 

“Liar,” she whispered, almost silently, as if she hadn't been certain about saying it at all. But, when Sam's eyes shot open, she met his gaze with determination. “What's the matter? I know there's something.”

 

Sam tried to keep his breathing even. Of course, she had noticed. Really, he was amazed it had taken her this long to mention anything. He shook his head and refused to answer.

 

“Okay, just... stop me if I'm way off base here. I've just been noticing stuff and... do you actually like sex, at all?”

 

Sam's breath caught as he tried to force out some kind of response, to assure her that yes, _of course, he did, he thought he might love her and it was all great_. He couldn't say it.

 

He didn't need to; Jess's expression melted into sympathy and she freed the hand he was still gripping to stroke his cheek. “Oh baby, you should have said something.”

 

Breathing deeply, afraid he might start crying, Sam managed to stammer, “I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me.”

 

“Nothing!” hissed Jess. She hesitated. “Look, I can't say anything for sure. This is personal, so you've got to decide but... you might want to do some research on asexuality.” Sam's brow furrowed as she continued. “It's perfectly normal, just rare. It means you aren't sexually attracted to people. You can be attracted in other ways,” she smiled, her eyes twinkling, “and I'm pretty sure you are. You just... don't really want sex with anyone in particular. Do you think that sounds right?”

 

Sam exhaled slowly, shakily. “I... yeah, I think it might.” _It's normal_ repeated in his head. He cupped her cheek in one hand and kissed her softly. “Thank you.”

 

**

 

Sam knew he had to do it. God knows he didn't want to. Really, it was the last thing on earth he wanted to do. But this was the only way to be fair, so he would go through with it.

 

Grudgingly, he raised his fist and knocked on Jessica's door. A desperate part of him hoped she would be out but the rest of him knew better. He knew her class schedule as accurately as his own, as well as her habits. Barring an emergency, she would be in. Probably curled up on her bed reading.

 

She was in, and answered the door quickly, her face breaking into a smile when she saw who it was. “Sam! Come in.” And oh, this was going to hurt so very badly. Worse because, as much as he didn't want to, he knew it would hurt her too. _It's for the best. In the long run_. Jess's smile flickered and Sam realised he'd been silent too long. “Sam? Baby, what's wrong?”

 

“We need to talk, Jess.” Sam heard her breath catch and couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

 

“Alright.” She ushered him inside, leading him to a chair and sitting down opposite him. A book lay open amidst rumpled blankets on her bed, and Sam's heart ached with how well he knew her and how completely unfair the whole situation was. _But it's more unfair on her, so just get this over with_.

 

He had to force himself to start talking. “Jess. I... don't know how to say this.” He had practiced and practiced, since deciding this needed to happen. It wasn't helping now. “I think we need to stop seeing each other for a bit,” he managed in a rush. Jess only flinched a little, obviously that had been what she had expected to hear. Not that that made Sam feel any better about it. “We both have finals coming up and we haven't had that much time to spend together recently. And we both need to do really well. So, uh, I think maybe we should concentrate on that and think about this again later?” That was a lie; Sam had already thought about it from all angles and made up his mind. “I'm sorry.” That much was true.

 

Jess was pale but listening calmly. Sam had a horrible feeling she was actually hearing all the things he refused to say aloud. Like 'I can't bear not being able to give you what you want, even though you never ask me for it' and 'I sort of hate myself for depriving you when we both know I _could_ sleep with you'. For a moment he was terrified she wouldn't accept his excuses and would insist on bringing up everything else. _Please don't_.

 

“Yeah,” she said slowly, then continued with more confidence as she seemed to reach a decision. “You're probably right. I guess we don't really have time right now.” Sam could have cried with relief and sorrow. He stood up, eager to leave. Before he could, Jess had stood and thrown her arms around him in a tight hug. His hands came up to cradle her automatically. It was a long moment before Jess stepped back and he had to let her go. “Don't you think this lets you off helping me study, mister!” Jess announced with a weak smile.

  
Sam returned it as best he could. “Of course not.” Hell, if there was a way to keep Jess's friendship he would cling to it with both hands and do his best to forget about romance entirely. He was almost certainly better off that way, anyway.

 


	2. Chapter 1

Law firm Christmas parties were surely a punishment straight from Hell. Sam wondered why no-one had ever thought to warn him about them. He had been the on receiving end of numerous cautionary lectures about the legal profession. But somehow Christmas parties had never come up. Maybe everyone was just too traumatised by the experience to acknowledge them.

 

“Hi there, Sam!” He winced but directed a polite smile at the woman who had managed to sneak up on him.

 

“Hello, Ruby. Enjoying the party?”

 

Ruby shrugged. “Be better if everyone would just let go and live a little.” She smiled at him. “How about you let me get you another drink and we'll show them how it's done?”

 

Sam swallowed and tried not to be too obvious about looking for an escape. “No, thank you.” He finally caught sight of a friend standing alone and breathed a sigh of relief. “Excuse me, would you?” He didn't wait for a response, crossing the room quickly, dodging a few enthusiastic dancers, to tap a woman on the shoulder.

 

“Sam!” she cried as she turned, throwing her arms around him. “Great to see you!”

 

Sam's smile was genuine as he hugged her back firmly. “You too, Ava. How've you been?”

 

“Good, thanks,” she pulled back and grinned up at him, “but you're being flirted with and have come looking for sanctuary. Right?”

 

“...Yeah,” admitted Sam, a little sheepishly. “Ruby's persistent.”

 

Ava pulled a face. “Yeah. No-one you could've asked along to keep the masses at bay?”

 

“Not really,” Sam shrugged. “Last year Jess came with me but now...” He trailed off.

 

“Oh! Engaged, yeah, sorry,” Ava patted his arm.

 

“It's fine, really. She's really happy, it's good.”

 

“Yeah, but-” Ava broke off suddenly and looked across the room. “Oh boy. Look, Mr Cox's got himself drunk enough to flirt with Kali again.”

 

Sam followed her gaze and winced when he saw she was right. “Not again. Do you think we're out of the blast radius?”

 

“Don't worry,” Ava grinned, “Kali's all about precision. She doesn't explode.”

 

“She doesn't need to,” Sam replied with a partially faked shiver. “She's terrifying enough.”

 

Ava laughed. “You know she's fine as long as you don't hit on her before even saying hello. Didn't you guys work together on that Whitman case, beginning of this year?”

 

“Whiteman,” Sam corrected automatically, “and yeah we did, a bit. Stand by my statement. She's terrifying and the prosecution was really not expecting it.”

 

Across the room a cold glare and her total indifference had failed to deter Kali's admirer. She sighed, gave him her complete attention and tore into him with words Sam was glad he was too far away to hear. Those closer by were trying to subtly edge away.

 

“Ruby's not the only persistent one tonight,” observed Ava. “He's got nerve.”

 

Kali's quiet tirade did it's job quickly, Sam saw. Cox was already leaving her alone, his tail firmly between his legs and she was returning to her conversation with one of the other associates.

 

“Only when he's drunk and knows everyone will pretend it never happened the next time they see him,” Sam responded, turning away from the drama and back to Ava.

 

They made small-talk for a while and Ava dragged a protesting Sam out to dance with her. Sam ended up having to apologise profusely to her for stepping on her toes, and to a few other people for his elbows, before dragging her back to a safe corner as she giggled madly.

 

“Why is this meant to be fun?” groaned Sam dramatically, which just made Ava laugh harder.

 

“It's Christmas, Sam! Relax! Hey, look. Does that guy have mistletoe?” She waved vaguely, leaving Sam with no idea who she meant.

 

Her enthusiastic gesture obviously caught the attention the guy in question, however, as they were immediately approached by a short grinning man, who was indeed wearing a mistletoe headband. Sam swallowed hard. Despite the ridiculous headgear, the man was beautiful, his hair, and even his eyes, appearing golden in the warm lighting.

 

“'That guy' is Gabriel. And yes, he does have mistletoe. And no, I don't usually refer to myself in the third person. So, which of you lovely people do I get to kiss first?” Sam hoped it looked as if he was staring because of the strange introduction not because he wasn't sure he could look away and didn't really want to anyway.

 

Ava looked between Sam and Gabriel and grinned. “Sorry, I'm taken.” She flashed her wedding ring. “Excuse me, Sam, I just need to go talk to... over there.” Sam swore she winked at him as she left and resisted the urge to groan out loud. He was coming to seriously regret not correcting Ava's assumption that he was gay. It had seemed easier at the time but did come with her enthusiastically pointing out handsome men she thought Sam might like. _Not that she's wrong this time._

 

“So. Sam, huh? Ready to pucker up up there?”

 

Sam looked around for a polite escape. “Aren't I supposed to be _under_ the mistletoe?” He pointed out, with a glance at the vegetation hovering around his chin. “Not sure this qualifies.”

 

“Ouch! Watch the height jokes, Stretch.” Gabriel glared and for a moment Sam was afraid he had genuinely offended him. Then his grin returned. “You might have a point though. Gotta play by the rules.” The suddenly wicked look in his eyes was the only warning Sam got before Gabriel was smoothly removing his headband, hopping up and depositing it on Sam's own head in triumph. “There! _Much_ better, don'tcha think? Objections, observations, questions? Or can I get my kiss now?”

 

Sam had the feeling he was gaping in an unattractive goldfish imitation but couldn't quite help himself. “I... I never actually agreed to that, you know.”

 

Gabriel shrugged. “You're totally worth the shot. And you haven't said 'no' yet.”

 

“Sorry. No.” Sam removed the headband and put it back on Gabriel's head. Firmly ignoring the soft brush of hair against his fingers. Yes, Gabriel was gorgeous and he found himself wanting to kiss him very much. But nothing could come of it and Sam _was not_ going to do that to himself now that he knew better.

 

To Sam's relief Gabriel didn't protest. He just shrugged again and said, “Your loss, Kiddo. Well, okay, and mine cos _damn_ you look good there.” He turned, scanned the room then headed off. Sam turned deliberately away to keep himself from staring after him.

 

**

 

A few hours later and Sam was more than ready to leave the party. He'd mingled about as much as he could stand. Made the necessary small-talk with his bosses and co-workers. Fortunately, he avoided being made to dance again. Now that it was late enough to leave politely he was ready to say his goodbyes and head home. A few others had drifted away already, saving him the unpleasant notoriety of being the first to leave. He looked around for Ava, but even in the slowly emptying room he couldn't see her.

 

Sam sighed and drained the last of his drink. He'd drop by the bathroom, try to find Ava again on his way out but he was tired and not hanging around any longer than he had to. He abandoned his empty cup on a table and headed down the corridor to the toilets.

 

He pushed the bathroom door open and came to a dead stop. Surely the long week, the late night and maybe the alcohol were to blame for the length of time he stood and stared. Definitely not how very good Gabriel looked perched up on the sinks, leant forward slightly with his legs wrapped around Cox's waist, one hand down the back of his pants and kissing him passionately.

 

“Fuck,” Sam whispered in shock. Obviously not quietly enough to escape Gabriel's notice though, as he pulled back from Cox and met Sam's eyes. Sam wished he could avoid noticing the way Gabriel's lips had gone pinker and wetter, his eyes wide and breath coming faster. He quirked his lips into a knowing smile at whatever he saw on Sam's face and Sam was _done_. “Fuck,” he repeated, louder. Cox startled and stared around wildly as Sam turned on his heel and left, not running but taking advantage of his long legs, feeling his face start to burn.

 

He ducked into a deserted side room rather than head back into the main reception room and risk anyone seeing him. The room was dim but he didn't bother to turn on the lights. He crossed to the window and rested his face against the glass, swearing silently to himself. Closing his eyes just gave him the image of Gabriel, so he left them open and tried very hard not to think of anything.

 

His good intentions were ruined when Gabriel opened the door and came in a few minutes later. “Hey, Sammy. Thanks for the interruption back there. Killed the mood nicely.”

 

Sam straightened up and stared. “Umm, sorry?” He tried. Gabriel didn't _sound_ annoyed but Sam felt as if he had lost his grasp on the entire evening. Or at least the bit since Gabriel had walked into it.

 

“Nah, I was serious. Confusion's understandable. When you get to know me better, you’ll find it doesn't happen often. Wouldn't count on it again.” Gabriel grinned.

 

“Okay,” Sam said slowly, “because you looked pretty... into it. So what...” He trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. _What were you doing in there, then…? What are you doing in here now?_

 

Gabriel pulled something from his pocket and crossed the room to stand by Sam. “Wanna see?” he asked, waving a cellphone in front of Sam’s nose. He didn't wait for a response, tapping away at the screen until a video started. It took Sam a moment to realise it had been taken in the bathrooms, the awkward angle making the room look strange but still recognisable. There was talking, just audible but indecipherable; obviously the speakers were just off-screen. After a few minutes of nothing more Sam glanced questioningly at Gabriel, who made a 'keep going' gesture. Sam obeyed, until Gabriel suddenly appeared on the screen, hopping up onto the sink, Cox appearing after him and the two taking up pretty much the position Sam had walked in on them in.

 

“You filmed it?” Sam asked in confusion. “Why the hell would you...?”

 

Gabriel stopped the video. “Short version? Cox is a dick and cheating on his partner with three different chicks. And willing to give it a go with a random guy if you get him drunk enough.” Gabriel shrugged. “You could say he's about to get what's coming to him. Just deserts, Sammy.” He tapped away on the phone again. “There, a few selected moments and now...” He slipped another phone out of his pocket.

 

“Is that Cox's phone? You stole it?”

 

“Don't exactly have his girlfriends' numbers on my phone, Sammy, try to keep up. Besides, it's not stealing. I'm gonna give it back.” Gabriel shot him a wicked grin. “I want him to get the fallout from this, after all.” The second phone buzzed and Gabriel looked satisfied, sliding own back into his pocket.

 

“So, you tricked the guy into kissing you, secretly filmed him and now you're going to send the evidence to the guy's partner.” Sam checked. “That's a bit of a dick move itself, don't you think?”

 

“Not just his partner! The three other chicks too. Kinda think they deserve to know. And don't be boring, Sammy.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “If the guy just _accidentally_ got found out you'd be calling it karma and enjoying the hell out if it. But I give karma a little helping hand and suddenly I’m a dick. Nice.”

 

Sam didn't reply, unable to deny that Cox probably deserved whatever he got. Instead he watched Gabriel by the pale light of the phone's screen as he sent the pictures off.

 

“There we go! Now, gotta go return this before Mr Cheater misses out on the reactions. Coming? Can always use a good distraction and I dunno if you noticed, but you are _very_ distracting.”

 

“Not a chance,” replied Sam quickly. “The guy's my boss, I am not getting mixed up in this any more.”

 

“Your loss.” Gabriel crossed the room, leaving Sam staring after him. He opened the door then turned to throw back over his shoulder, “Might wanna leave it a few minutes before following. Two guys in a dark room. People'll talk. And I am not letting rumours say I got a piece of that before I actually do. See you around, Sammy.” He gave a cheerful wave and left, the door swinging shut behind him.

 

Sam groaned, dropping his head back to the window and wondered when he had wandered into the alternate dimension where _nothing_ made sense. _Maybe around the time having a gorgeous man hit on you became a bad thing._ He cursed himself thoroughly. _Okay, he looks great. But he wants sex. And anyway he's obviously a bit of an ass. And you aren't going to see him around again anyway. So, just get out of here and you can forget him._

 

Pep talk given to himself he left, managed to use the bathroom without interrupting anything else he would prefer not to see, and had a last look around for Ava. No sign of her, but, given his luck that evening, of course his eyes settled on Gabriel again. Presumably he had either returned Cox's phone or given up, as there was no sign of the older man. Instead Gabriel was waving his hands animatedly and talking to Kali. Sam watched with interest, convinced Gabriel's ego was about to take a much needed knock. His come-ons were precisely the type Kali was infamous for despising.

 

Astonished was the only word to describe Sam's reaction when Kali allowed Gabriel to kiss her cheek, then turned her head to return the kiss briefly on his mouth. He wrapped an arm around her waist and they headed towards the stairs together, casual and familiar with each other. Sam cursed himself for an idiot for not realising sooner. He hadn't known Gabriel and the firm wasn't _that_ big. So Gabriel had to have been there as someone's guest and it hadn't even occurred to Sam to wonder whose, too busy simply admiring him and desperately trying to regain his balance.

  
_So, he's gorgeous, an ass, and the boyfriend of someone you would have to be an idiot to mess with._ _Yeah, just forget him._ Sam rubbed his forehead, gave up looking for Ava and headed for the exit himself, resolved to dedicate the next twelve months to finding an excuse to avoid next year's party.

 


	3. Chapter 2

Sam dragged himself out of the office on Monday evening almost wishing he would never have to go back. He'd had bad days before, of course. He doubted you got through law school anywhere without them, let alone at Stanford. But a boss who was furious, didn't look like he had slept for most of the weekend and was demanding everything five minutes ago at the latest was a whole new level of bad day. Sam surmised that Mr Cox's girlfriends had received the pictures and he, in turn, had received the fallout. Which he was now passing along to everyone else. Several times through the day Sam had found himself hoping bitterly that Gabriel was pleased with the joke, because it had made Sam's day pure hell.

 

Finally free, he headed down the street to his favourite coffee shop, thankful that it stayed open late. He ordered and sank into a chair with his drink, needing some time to get up the energy for the trip back to his apartment. A few minutes later someone dropped into the opposite chair. Sam's head snapped up to glare at them; the shop was practically empty, there were plenty of empty tables and he was _not_ in the mood to share. Instead he found himself blinking in surprise at familiar light brown eyes and blondish hair. “Gabriel!”

 

“Yep. Heya, Sammy!” Gabriel wiggled his fingers in a little wave.

 

“How... what the hell are you doing here?”

 

“Aww, forgotten already? Said I'd see you around. So, this is me. Around and seeing you.”

 

“I... assumed you were kidding. Since I'd never seen you before in my life and probably never would again?”

 

“I never kid!” Gabriel declared, then looked thoughtful. “Well, okay. I sometimes kid. Okay, okay, often. I often kid. But never about hot guys! So, I wasn't kidding about you.”

 

Sam shook his head, feeling less out of his depth around Gabriel than he had before, perhaps due to the more familiar surroundings. “Look, we don't even know each other. I'm, umm, flattered.” That much was true. Gabriel was gorgeous and, as uncomfortable as Sam was, a part of him couldn't help but enjoy the attention. He reminded himself firmly that his looks were _all_ that Gabriel was interested in. He didn't even know anything else, after all! And that interest would vanish quickly as soon as he found out that sex was off the table. Sam sighed, rubbed a hand over his forehead and through his hair and took a last gulp of his coffee. “I have to get home. Goodbye, Gabriel.”

 

He stood up, grabbed his briefcase from beside his seat and left. Just outside he paused for a glance back through the window. Gabriel was just sitting there, staring into space with a pensive expression. Sam furiously ignored the impulse telling him to do something so he could see Gabriel's smile again and strode away.

 

**

 

On Wednesday, Sam actually managed to leave the office for lunch, instead of gulping down water and a sadly wilted salad at his desk. While Cox was still fuming and everyone was scurrying around trying to avoid a confrontation with him, Sam thought the other partners had probably had a quiet word about his behaviour because today had been so much better than the two previous days.

 

Sam hurried down the street to the Bean Bag, hoping for a short line so that he would have time to sit and enjoy his lunch in peace. The line was short, so he got his wish for time, but apparently not for peace. “Sammy, fancy meeting you here!” greeted him as he turned away from the register and he knew who it was without looking.

 

“Gabriel. What the hell are you doing here?”

 

“You asked me that last time! Same answer.”

 

“You're staking out my favourite coffee shop just waiting for me to show up?” A thought occurred to Sam. “Hang on, how did you even know I come here?”

 

“I have my sources.”

 

Sam waited for a moment but apparently that was all he was going to get. Gabriel peered up at him, then gestured at the seat opposite. “Gonna sit down? Sure, we could do it like this. But I'm gonna get a crick in my neck and do you really wanna eat standing up?”

 

Resisting the temptation to pick another table, seeing as Gabriel would most likely just follow him anyway, Sam did sit down. Gabriel beamed at him and Sam found himself automatically wanting to smile in response. He took a hasty gulp of his coffee to try to hide his reaction.

 

They sat in surprisingly comfortable silence for a few minutes, Sam drinking his coffee and shooting glances at Gabriel enjoying what looked like hot chocolate, but looking away quickly before Gabriel could catch his gaze. Sam's sandwich arrived and he accepted it with a quiet 'thank you' to the waitress.

 

“I thought about what you said, you know.” Gabriel said suddenly, making Sam jump. He shook his head in confusion, not following. “We don't know each other. So, idea. You, me, date tonight. Or tomorrow. Or Friday. Whenever.” He waved a hand dismissively. “Not picky. Whaddya say? We got ourselves a date?”

 

Sam blinked and forced himself to eat a few bites of his sandwich to stop himself voicing his stupidly eager first thought of 'yes, absolutely' or his horrified second one of 'absolutely not'. He bought himself a few seconds and remembered that he already had a perfect excuse. “Why are you even asking me out? I thought... you and Kali...” He paused, wondering if he had got the wrong impression. “I saw you leaving the party together.”

 

Gabriel leaned back in his chair and grinned. “You saw that, huh? Nothing for you to worry about, Sammy. Kali and I, yeah we have a thing. Purely sexual, though. Well, and housekeeping. We live together, but that’s not really relevant right now. Open relationship, I got free rein to flirt with whoever I want to.”

 

“Really?” Asked Sam, suspiciously. The idea of Kali happily allowing any partner of hers to date other people seemed strange and extremely unlikely to him. He didn't want to admit to the rush of almost joy at the thought that perhaps Gabriel was unattached after all.

 

“Yep. Cross my heart. It's just sex.” Gabriel leered. “Well... I say _just_ sex. No 'just' about it. Ask Kali if you don't believe me.”

 

Sam's mind absolutely refused to process the idea of going up to Kali and asking for confirmation of how good her... lover?... was in bed. Instead he made himself focus on what his sudden happiness had momentarily pushed from his mind. It was just about sex to Gabriel. He had known it already and surely this conversation had reaffirmed it and he just needed to _stop_.

 

“I'm busy this week,” said Sam, not entirely lying; he did have a lot of work that he should really finish before Christmas. “Sorry.” He looked down at his plate and concentrated on his sandwich, hoping he was indicating that the conversation was over and that Gabriel would take the hint and leave.

 

He was rather surprised when Gabriel did actually get up to leave. Gabriel pushed his chair back and stood, cheerfully announcing, “Okay then, I'll check my busy schedule for next week. See if I can pencil you in. Be seeing ya.” He'd left with a wave before Sam could protest that that was _not_ what he had meant. Sam watched him go, wondering what exactly it was about Gabriel that left him incapable of saying what he actually meant around him. As Gabriel reached the door he turned back to wave again and caught Sam staring. He grinned and gave a ridiculously exaggerated wink, then he was outside and walking away down the street with a jaunty stride. Sam dropped his head into his hands and tried not to groan out loud. This was getting ridiculous.

 

**

 

Sam did _not_ avoid the Bean Bag for the rest of the week. That would have been immature and proved that Gabriel had far too much power over him for a man he'd never even met a week ago. So, there was no avoidance. He just happened to bring his own lunches and eat them at his desk, so that he could focus on his work with fewer distractions. And he was far too busy trying to finish things off before Christmas to waste time going out for coffee when there was a perfectly serviceable coffee maker right in the office. Then when he got out of work all he wanted was to get home and out of the cold December evenings. He repeated to himself just how very logical it all was and tried not to hear the little voice in his head telling him he was a coward and a fool.

 

On Friday evening Sam took himself home gratefully, looking forward to the Christmas break, even if he had brought a whole load of work home with him. He spent that evening with his feet up, watching awful television he didn't usually allow himself to enjoy and relaxing in the knowledge that he didn't have to go back to work on Monday.

 

Saturday morning he forced himself out of his apartment early in an attempt to beat the shopping rush. He thought he probably succeeded. At least he managed not to get too trampled in his efforts to stock up on food to last through to the New Year and so hopefully avoid another holiday shopping trip.

 

He came home to find a card from Bobby, telling him again how welcome he was in South Dakota for the holidays. For a minute he considered it. Technically, there was nothing stopping him from packing a bag and driving up. Except how very long it had been since he had seen any of his family and how every year it got harder to imagine how it would turn out. So, again, he ended up calling Bobby to thank him but decline the invitation and hear the stories about Dean that Bobby insisted on slipping in and that Sam pretended not to be desperately interested in.

 

Sunday Sam spent in his apartment, alternating between working and reading.

 

By Monday Sam was seriously bored and had to admit that he wasn't actually very good at not doing anything. Or at least not being around anyone. At some point he had become used to having people around him, even if it was just to smile and say hello to or make work related small-talk with. He let out an utterly unamused laugh, remembering a childhood of keeping his head down and trying not to draw anyone's attention to him. And if he was starting to think about his childhood it was _really_ time to get out of his apartment and distract himself.

 

Sam did hesitate before heading into the Bean Bag. But he firmly told himself he was being ridiculous. It wasn't as if Gabriel would have been waiting there for him since Wednesday. Even if he had stopped by to look for Sam, he must have given up since Sam hadn't stepped foot in the place since then. Sam sighed, just lonely enough to admit that the thought of Gabriel giving up on him was as much a sorrow as it was a relief.

 

The cafe was familiar and a comfort. The warmth and the soft babble of conversation had Sam relaxing immediately, giving a friendly smile to the barista. He ordered, briefly scanning the tables as he waited. There were only a few people sitting and none of them had the distinctive golden-brown hair he was looking for. He stifled a sigh that he was prepared to admit to himself was a little disappointed.

 

Sam picked up his drink and headed for a table by the window. Then almost dropped it at the call of “Hey, Sammy! Long time no see.” He swung around and immediately realised why he hadn't spotted Gabriel at first. He had ensconced himself in one of the shop's eponymous beanbags, usually only used by children and the occasional student clinging onto childhood. Although Sam had to admit that he looked at home there, his knees drawn up, a book resting on them and a coffee cup on the floor.

 

“Gabriel. Really? Please tell me you haven't just been hanging around here waiting for me. That's verging on 'stalker', you know.” Sam shook his head, not knowing if he was flattered or appalled.

 

Gabriel looked a little shifty. “Pfft. It isn't like my life revolves around you, kid. Am I not allowed to think this is a pretty cool place you've found here? Besides, I'm just reading.” He waved his book around to demonstrate. “Buuuut, since you're here anyway, you wanna join me?” A nod of his head indicated a neighbouring beanbag.

 

Sam couldn't help laughing. “You are not getting me down on a beanbag, Gabriel. No way.”

 

“Spoilsport!” Gabriel exclaimed, but didn't look too upset. “Fine!” He bounced to his feet, retrieved his mug and gestured towards the tables. “Lay on, Macduff.”

 

Sam didn't bother arguing, sure he would lose and not at all sure that he minded. Instead he lead the way to a table by the window and took a seat, Gabriel dropping into the chair opposite him. He took a cautious sip of his hot chocolate, found it too hot and tried to think up a conversation starter. It would be too rude to just open his book and start to read. Gabriel was being no help, apparently content to sit and watch him, a slight grin on his face. “So,” Sam finally started, “how come you have this much time to just hang around in coffee shops reading?” _And looking for me_ he added silently, not believing Gabriel's explanation at all.

 

Gabriel shrugged. “School teacher. Winter break's started so nothing but grading and lesson plans as far as the eye can see.”

 

Sam looked suspicious. “Last week was not winter break. Too early.”

 

“Ah...” Gabriel had the good grace to look a touch embarrassed. “Yeah, last week was all after school and I was really lucky on Wednesday, lunch break and a free period.” The embarrassment disappeared and the grin was back. “What can I say? Think the universe likes us, Sam.”

 

Sam shook his head. “Shouldn't you be doing some of that grading then? Not sitting in coffee shops annoying almost total strangers?”

 

Gabriel just stared at him for a moment. “Wow. Do you even own a mirror, Sammy? Cos I promise you, you are _way_ more appealing than my lesson plans! And grading? Being eaten alive by alligators is a happy dream compared to facing thirty essays on _Romeo and Juliet_.” He gave a dramatic shudder.

 

“Nice,” Sam replied dryly, “my company beats being eaten by alligators. Thanks. I think you need to work on your compliments.”

 

“You gonna give me someone to practice on?” Gabriel asked, smirking widely and Sam cursed himself for walking straight into that one.

 

“Can I stop you?”

 

“Nope!” announced Gabriel cheerfully. “So just sit back and enjoy the ride, gorgeous!”

 

Sam groaned, took a large sip of his drink and started to seriously consider whether his empty apartment was really as bad as he'd thought an hour earlier.

 

**

 

A few hours later, Sam was surprised to find just how much he had lost track of time. Once he had given in and relaxed a bit, he had found that Gabriel was absolutely fascinating to talk to. He told stories with vivacity, his hands flying and his face never still but showing every emotion, until Sam almost had to kick himself to ensure he concentrated on the story rather than just on the teller. One particular story, that Sam really hoped was exaggerated, featuring a stuck-up professor, a gaggle of geese and a fire truck, had Sam struggling valiantly to keep a straight face but finally laughing so hard he cried.

 

Gabriel, laughing wildly himself, took advantage of Sam's distraction to lean across and swipe a fingerful of cream from the top of Sam's second hot chocolate. Sam batted a hand at him and pulled his drink closer, trying to glare rather than giggle. “Hey, you have your own!”

 

“Yeah, but yours is so much nicer!” Gabriel licked his finger clean. “Besides, you don't need any more sugar. You're sweet enough, sweetheart.” He looked impossibly pleased with himself for sneaking another compliment in.

 

Sam poked a finger at Gabriel. “That was _awful_ ,” he announced, accusingly. “I think you're getting worse and I wasn’t sure that was possible.” A mischievous thought came to his mind and he acted on it without wasting the time to think. He didn't need to lean to reach across the table and grab a fingerful of cream from Gabriel's drink in return, laughing at the other man's affronted squawk. “You don't deserve this,” he said, carefully waving his cream-covered finger in emphasis. Still grinning, he stuck his finger into his mouth and sucked it clean.

 

Across the table, Gabriel went completely still, staring. “Shit,” he muttered quietly. Sam blinked in confusion for a second and then, _oh shit_. He flushed with the realisation of the picture he'd created, clasping his hands on the table to keep from fidgeting and refused to meet Gabriel's gaze. To his amazement, Gabriel refrained from making any kind of joke; he hadn't expected him to be able to resist the temptation.

 

The conversation staggered for a while, with Sam on the verge of just making his excuses and leaving. But, after some frankly painful small-talk, eventually they settled back into a friendly argument about books, with Gabriel laughing at Sam for the 'doorstop' he was lugging around with him and Sam in return doubting aloud whether Gabriel would have the attention span to complete it. And if the next time Gabriel got up to buy them fresh drinks they both avoided anything with any form of topping, they stuck to their silent agreement to say nothing.

 

The sun set with Sam hardly noticing it, too busy telling Gabriel the story of the golden retriever he had fostered for two glorious weeks one winter break. Gabriel listened, watching Sam with a gentler smile. “You've gotta meet my Max at some point. He loves anyone who likes dogs as much as you.” Sam found himself agreeing without thinking. Gabriel glanced at his watch and looked regretful. “Ah, dammit. Speaking of, I gotta split. Time flies, kiddo. Got a neighbour of mine coming in to take care of Max during the day but I gotta get back to feed him or he might chew up Kali's shoes again and that's just not pretty.”

 

Sam stood up with him, looking around at the clock on the wall and almost double-taking at the time. “Oh, wow. I hadn't realised it was this late. I'd really better get back too.”

 

Gabriel looked at him questioningly. “You going away for the holiday then?”

 

Sam shook his head and pulled his coat back on. “No, just staying here.” He hesitated. “Are you and Kali doing anything?” He asked awkwardly.

 

Gabriel wriggled into his coat. “Nah. Kali's gone to see her parents. I'm staying here. Not really my scene, family.” He pulled a face, as if he hadn't intended to say that much, and turned away from Sam to lead the way to the door. Sam followed without saying anything, sympathising with Gabriel's sentiment. Families could be tricky.

 

Outside Gabriel stopped and turned back to Sam, a smile on his face again as he tilted his head to meet Sam's eyes. Sam's breath caught at the way the darkness and the street lights made his eyes seem to shine. “So, Sammy, you have yourself a merry little Christmas. I'll save a beanbag for you again in the New Year.” There was the faintest hint of a question in his voice.

  
Sam couldn't help smiling. He felt warm, happy and peaceful. “Yeah, see you.” Acting on the impulse he'd been denying since pretty much the first time he had seen Gabriel, wearing that ridiculous sprig of mistletoe, he bent down and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Merry Christmas, Gabriel,” he said straightening, feeling himself start to flush but not regretful. Gabriel appeared a little stunned but it quickly melted into such a beautifully genuine smile that Sam just had to return it. He gave a self conscious little shrug, waved and walked away, leaving Gabriel standing there smiling.

 


	4. Chapter 3

Amazingly, Sam made it all the way through Christmas Day without any major self-doubt issues. It was only the following evening, sitting on his couch only half watching the movie playing, that the question 'what the hell do you think you're doing' crashed in on him. And he didn't have a good answer. Having fun, undeniably, after his and Gabriel's last meeting. Enjoying the attention, Sam was a little ashamed to admit it even to himself, but, yes. Acting on instinct, that too, and it wasn't as if that had a history of ending well for Sam in his personal life. Starting to wish for something more, definitely, and that was the kicker.

 

Sam groaned. He thought that, in a lot of ways, it was probably worse that Gabriel was attracted to him too. The unchangeable fact was that the 'more' that Sam wanted and the 'more' that Gabriel kept hinting at were not the same thing. Even if Sam did make it through a stumbling explanation of what he did, and more importantly did _not_ , want and Gabriel by some miracle agreed... Sam felt horribly guilty at the mere idea of asking Gabriel to settle for less than what he really wanted.

 

The movie played on, ignored, as Sam's thoughts circled, finding no way out of his dilemma. Finally giving up, he turned the television off and changed for bed, hoping to get some sleep. He was curled up under the blankets when the thought _you could always do it for him anyway_ occurred to him. He rode out the instinctive shudder and tried to ignore the vague nausea the idea produced. He _could_ do it; he had done it before. Of course, he would probably still have to tell Gabriel; enthusiasm for the act was not something he would be able to fake. But that might be enough for Gabriel; he might not mind that Sam hated the whole thing as long as he got off at some point.

 

Sam rolled over, buried his head in his pillow and groaned. It had been years since this had last been an issue, since he had last wanted someone enough to consider trying to pretend he wanted them in the way that normal people did. It really wasn't a feeling that he had missed. He thought of the way Gabriel's eyes had lit up when he smiled, the way he had made Sam laugh until he cried and completely lose track of time as they talked. Maybe it would be worth it, even if imagining sex with Gabriel left Sam feeling as uncomfortable and faintly revolted as such thoughts always had.

 

**

 

The next morning Sam went through his routine in a daze, sure that he hadn't slept at all the night before. Not even the strongest coffee he could stand had him feeling completely human again. He was in enough of a stupor to startle when his text alert went off, coming dangerously close to dropping his phone in the sink. But he smiled when he saw the message. _Hey Sam. Not seen you for ages! You free this morning? Meet you in the park about 10? Jess x_. Sam sent back a confirmation. Fresh air and the distraction of a good friend sounded like a good idea.

 

He found Jess sitting on a bench, wrapped in her coat and cradling a cup of something, another cup waiting on the seat next to her. She waved as she spotted Sam and jumped up to give him a warm hug. He returned it, smiling into her hair for a minute. “Hey, Jess.”

 

Jess stepped back and smiled up at him. “Good to see you, Sam. Sit down, I got you hot coffee.”

 

They sat next to each other, Sam accepting the drink gratefully. “Good Christmas?” he asked and they exchanged pleasantries briefly. Silence fell and Jess stared at Sam for what felt like a very long time, until he dropped his gaze self-consciously.

 

“Okay, what's wrong, Sam?” Jess asked, crossing her arms and fixing him with a no-nonsense look.

 

Sam blinked. “What? Everything's fine. I'm fine.”

 

Jess raised her eyebrows. “You never were a good actor. You haven't gotten any better. Something's wrong.” She continued more gently, “I'm your friend, Sam. You show up looking...,” she gestured vaguely at him, “and I worry, alright?”

 

“Looking what?” Sam frowned.

 

“Tired. Stressed. Upset. And before you ask, no it isn't that obvious.” Jess smiled fondly. “I know you by now, okay. I can tell.”

 

“Really, Jess, I'm fine.” Sam insisted and saw Jess's face fall. “You don't need to worry about me.” He shrugged. “You can't do anything about this anyway.”

 

“Doesn't mean you can’t talk to me! And sorry to break it to you but I can't just stop worrying about my friends just like that.” Jess glared at him, then sighed quietly. “Is it something at work?”

 

Sam shook his head and considered actually telling her the truth. She was the only person in his life who knew about his sexuality, after all. He didn't doubt she would listen kindly. But... he often wondered just how they had managed to stay friends after their break-up. And perhaps part of the reason was that they had never brought it up again, just settled down into a friendship they had both been determined to keep. It made the idea of discussing Gabriel and Sam's issues with her now awkward, to say the least.

 

“Not family,” Jess continued undeterred, “unless you've started talking to them again. And if you have, it's _me_ you should be worrying about because you're supposed to tell your friends things like that and I'm going to be mad as hell at you!”

 

Sam couldn't help laughing at her annoyed expression. This was why he needed Jess in his life, the way she was never intimidated or afraid to call him out. “I haven't, Jess. No need to kick my ass, okay.”

 

Jess grinned in return. “Well, good. So, not work, not family. Personal life then?” Sam suspected that he blushed or squirmed minutely because Jess suddenly looked delighted. “Sam! Have you met someone?”

 

“What? No!” he replied quickly, _too quickly_ , he knew even as he was speaking. Jess just gave him the flat stare she always had when she knew he was lying and he caved. “Kind of? Okay, yes. There's a guy.”

 

If Jess was surprised by the ‘guy’ she hid it well, just smiling encouragingly. “That's great! Tell me, what's he like, how'd you meet?”

 

“Err, he had mistletoe and tried to get me to kiss him.” Sam shrugged self-deprecatingly. “I guess he has a thing for the deer-in-headlights look?” Jess giggled into her coffee. “He's... beautiful. Funny. Smart. Weirdly easy to talk to.” He made himself stop and take a long drink, aware that he was smiling fondly and frighteningly close to gushing. If he mentioned Gabriel’s eyes he doubted he’d be able to stop.

 

“Wow,” said Jess, smiling broadly, “you are completely smitten!” Sam couldn't deny it and groaned. Jess's smile faded. “So, you've met an amazing guy who you really like. Why's that make you miserable? And don't deny it, you are. Isn’t he interested? He wanted to kiss you and you've clearly spent some time together, you don't warm up to people without that. So, he must be a bit interested, at least.”

 

Sam nodded. “Yeah, yeah, he is.”

 

“Then what's the problem?” asked Jess with a confused frown.

 

Sam looked away. “You know what the problem is, Jess.” He rubbed his hand over his face tiredly. “I'm the fucking problem.” He heard her indrawn breath and shrugged. “Sorry. But it's true. I'm not what he wants. I can pretend I am but that doesn't work for long because I _hate_ it and I'm not going to get to keep him, so what's the point at all?”

 

“Oh, _Sam_ ,” whispered Jess, one hand clinging to his forearm and the other coming up to cup his cheek and urge his head around to look at her again. She stroked his cheek gently and gripped both his hands tightly. “Sam, you are _not_ a problem. I promise you.” She looked briefly uncertain, then set her jaw and continued. “Did I do the right thing? When you broke things off. I... I thought maybe you needed a friend more. That that would be better for you. And I'm so glad we are friends. But, I've never known if I should’ve fought you on it.” She looked Sam straight in the eyes. “You being ace was never a problem, Sam. Neither was not having sex. And if this guy says it is then he's not as great as you think and you should ditch him because you deserve so much better. Okay?”

 

Sam squeezed her hands. “I'm glad we're friends, too, Jess.”

 

Jess smiled sadly and, to Sam's relief, didn't call him out on not answering the question. “Sam? Please, talk to him. You... you have a really crappy habit of making decisions for people without talking to them. Try to let someone in a bit?” She grinned suddenly. “You're very smart, but you don't always know best.”

 

Sam snorted out a laugh. “Believe me, I know.” He took a deep breath. “Thanks, Jess. I'll think about it, okay? I promise I'll do that.”

 

Jess sighed, but nodded. Her phone went off, making her jump. “Oh,” she said as she read the text. “Hey, Luis finished the shopping early, he wants me to meet him.” She glanced at Sam. “You come too, we can all make a day of it. Have lunch out.”

 

“No,” Sam stood up, shaking his head, “you go, have fun. Say hi to him from me.”

 

Jess got up too. “Okay, if you're sure.” Sam nodded. “Well, it was good to see you, Sam. Hey, why don't you come over for New Year's Eve? We're just having a little party. It'll be fun!”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Sam agreed. “Sorry I was so...” he waved a hand vaguely, “today.”

 

“It's fine,” Jess shrugged. “Think about it though. And I want to meet this guy. Ooh, I know, bring him to my wedding!” She grinned and Sam couldn't bring himself to argue.

 

They hugged goodbye and walked off in opposite directions.

 

**

 

It was the New Year before Sam saw Gabriel again. He only stopped by the Bean Bag once, spending most of his time consumed by work. There had been no sign of Gabriel and Sam had to tell himself not to be disappointed; Gabriel had mentioned seeing him again in the New Year, not before. No doubt he had his own work he was busy with. In any case, Sam didn't believe for a second that Gabriel would leave things as they stood after their last meeting. He would be back. And Sam still didn't know what he would do when that happened.

 

Sure enough, when Sam opened the shop door after his first day back in the office, there was Gabriel, looking up as he heard the door and breaking into a smile at the sight of Sam. Sam returned it and went to order his own coffee and Gabriel's mint hot chocolate. Gabriel looked surprised as Sam set the two mugs down and pushed one across the table to him. “Aww, kiddo, you remembered. That's sweet.”

 

Sam shrugged awkwardly and changed the subject. “Good holidays?”

 

Gabriel pulled a face. “Waaay too many awful essays to count as good. Thought I was done with that shit for good when I finished school myself. Dunno why I ever thought it was a good idea to get on the other side of the desk. I swear I never bullshitted as badly as some of these kids though.” He smiled ruefully. “And boy did I talk out of my ass sometimes.”

 

“Only sometimes?” Sam found himself grinning and replying immediately. He flinched internally and cursed how very easy he found it to forget himself around Gabriel. That was not something he would normally say aloud to anyone.

 

Fortunately for Sam, Gabriel only managed to look serious for a few seconds before throwing his head back and laughing loudly. “Wow,” he gasped, wiping away a tear that Sam was almost certain was faked, “yeah, okay. Maybe more than sometimes.” The laughter fell from his face in a second and he leaned across the table. Sam found himself fixed with an intense stare, his breath catching a little and unable to look away from Gabriel's face. “But not always, Sammy.” He felt Gabriel's hand settle on his where it rested on the table, stroking briefly down his wrist before squeezing firmly. “I promise, I'm not bullshitting you, gorgeous.” He lifted Sam's hand gently, but his expression had gone almost predatory and Sam yanked his hand out of Gabriel's almost before thinking about it.

 

Gabriel sat back and Sam swore he saw hurt flash across his face before it settled into an unreadable mask. Sam looked away, cursing his reactions and praying there was a way to avoid the awkward conversation he feared was coming. He heard Gabriel take a long drink of his hot chocolate, set the mug down again and take a deep breath.

 

“Sam...” Gabriel started. “Hell, could you at least look at me here?” Sam made himself look up. Gabriel rubbed a hand over his face, looking tired. “Thanks. Sam. You remember you asked if you could stop me?” Sam blinked and his confusion must have shown, since Gabriel elaborated. “I was complimenting you and you asked if anything you did could stop me.” Sam nodded, although he didn't understand the point. “Well, you can, okay? All of it. Just say the word.” Gabriel let out a long sigh and shrugged. “Cos honestly, Sammy? That's some mixed signals you're giving off here. And I really can't tell with you. So, you tell me, yeah? Do you want me to stop this?” He held Sam's gaze steadily, waiting for a response.

 

Sam swallowed and didn't have a clue how to answer. _Yes_ or _no_ , either one would be a lie. And he could hear Jess's voice whispering to _just tell him_ but he didn't know how to even start saying that. And Gabriel was just sitting there, waiting, his expression becoming minutely more brittle with every second of silence. Sam couldn't keep watching and looked away. But that made up his mind. He had hurt Gabriel, no matter his intentions, and now he owed him an explanation. Not looking up, Sam gave the most honest answer he could. “I don't want to have sex with you.”

 

The silence seemed to last forever to Sam. Finally, “Okaaaay,” breathed Gabriel. Sam glanced up in time to catch him replace the confusion on his face with something more lighthearted. “I mean, ouch, don't spare my ego here! Nice to know, though. Wasn't planning on it right away anyhow. I'd at least take you to dinner before trying to get past third base! What kinda guy do you take me for?” Sam thought Gabriel's offence was mostly faked, but perhaps not entirely. “And,” he continued more seriously, “to quote myself on way too many of my students' essays recently, 'failed to address the question', kiddo. Wanna try again for a passing grade?”

 

Sam really, _really_ didn't. But, short of getting up and walking away, he didn't see a way out of the conversation. And... Gabriel was still here. Sam had told him the worst bit and, alright, he didn't understand yet. But he was still here, still listening. Maybe, just maybe, he would still stay if Sam told him everything. _What other chance do I have of keeping him around now anyway?_ It was Sam's turn to take a very deep breath. “That's not... I don't...” Another breath. “I don't ever want to have sex with you. I won't ever.” He thought he saw when Gabriel got it, but he made himself say it anyway. “I'm asexual. And I'm not going to change. So just... please don't try.”

 

Sam was already braced for a negative reaction. What he wasn't ready for was Gabriel bursting into hysterical laughter. He lost his breath, feeling very much like he'd been punched and absurdly like he might cry. “Right... right, okay then,” he managed, stumbling to his feet, jostling the table as he did. He knew they were making a scene, that people were staring, but he couldn't care. He grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and tried to fumble it on as he got out of there.

 

“Sam,” he heard Gabriel gasp behind him and he utterly _refused_ to turn around. There was a muffled scuffling noise and then two hands grabbing his arm and clinging to him as he struggled with the door. “Sam, _don't_ ! _Shit._ Sorry. I'm sorry!” His fingers dug harder into Sam's arm. Sam's hand fell from the door handle as he was caught between his own pain and the desperation clear in Gabriel's voice. Gabriel relaxed his grip when Sam stopped trying to leave and rubbed gently at Sam's arm. “Sam... come sit back down and let me explain?”

 

Lacking the energy to argue, Sam nodded and listlessly let Gabriel lead him back to their table. He vaguely noticed whispers and sideways glances from the other patrons and staff and wondered if they were going to be asked to leave. Gabriel glared around, and everyone suddenly found much more interesting things to focus on.

 

Once they were sat down again, Gabriel slowly let go of Sam's arm. Sam stared at him. “This had better be damn good,” he said dully.

 

Gabriel winced. “Err, yeah, not really? Kind of pathetic, actually.” He gave a weak chuckle. “And I'm _really_ sorry. I was just, well, stupidly relieved. And prone to really stupid reactions?”

 

“Relieved?” asked Sam.

 

“Yeah, relieved! Hells, Sam, you had me not knowing if I was coming or going. Obviously you  have some major issues and a whole trunk-full of baggage. I dunno what I was thinking your problem was, some internalised homophobia bullshit or convinced I'm cheating or whatever. Some shit I couldn't deal with anyway. This,” Gabriel leaned forward, his voice intense, “ _you_ , it's not a problem, Sam. I’ll swear on anything you like.”

 

Sam considered Gabriel for a moment. He seemed sincere, and his apology had been immediate and unforced. And Sam's hurt was being replaced by hope at Gabriel's explanation, at the fact that he was still here. “Okay, then. Uh, apology accepted,” he smiled, but couldn't stop himself from adding. “You're sure this is okay with you? I mean, it doesn't _have_ to be no sex. I can, sometimes. If you want to.”

 

“Yeah, no way,” was Gabriel's immediate reply. “Okay, I like sex. And I can't really say I have many restrictions on who I'll sleep with. But if they're not as into it as I am, then it isn't happening. Firm rule.” He grinned. “'Sides, you seem to be forgetting something here. You got the memo on me and Kali, right? Trust me, I am getting laid plenty.”

 

And, _oh_. Sam wondered how that had failed to occur to him. Gabriel cocked an eyebrow at him. “Okay, so cards on the table, Sammy? I don’t think I could do the whole ‘no sex’ thing. Sorry if you find that gross or obsessive or whatever. But I doubt I could change that about myself even if I did want to.” He smiled wryly. “And I don’t, ‘cos it’s kinda awesome for me. But… that’d be okay for you? Me having sex with someone who isn’t you?”

 

Sam stopped and thought. It was unorthodox, for sure. But it seemed perfect for his situation, almost too good to be true. _Why not give it a try?_ “Yeah. Yeah, I think so? Sex in general doesn’t bother me, I just don’t want to be involved. And Kali’s really okay with this?”

 

“Totally fine, I swear. I know you’ve met Kali. You may have noticed she can be terrifying.” Gabriel gave a rueful grin. “You really think I’d risk going behind her back? In fact,” his grin shifted to a mischievous one, “you still wanna know how I knew to find you here?” Sam nodded. “Kali told me. You stop in here for coffee on your way to work. Their takeout  cups have their logo on them. And Kali notices stuff. Man, I _begged_ her to get me a way to talk to you.”

 

“Huh.” It was an odd feeling, realising that someone knew much more about you than you had assumed. “Okay then,” he replied, reassured.  “I really don’t know why you’re so interested, but okay, I guess.” Sam said, more honest than he had intended to be, but too tired to be less self-deprecating.

 

Gabriel smiled. “Oh, gorgeous. You're handsome, funny, sweet. I want to spend time with you. And then, anything else you want. Long as it's what you really do want.” He leaned closer still, his voice low. “Right now? Right now I want to know how you feel about kissing.”

 

Sam found himself leaning forward too, one of his hands sneaking across the table to rest over Gabriel's. “Yeah. Just kissing is good.” Feeling daring, he reached across and stroked Gabriel's cheek with a light touch. “Can I?”

  
Gabriel didn't bother to reply, practically launching himself across the table so his mouth met Sam's. Their noses bumped together, uncomfortable for a moment, until they shifted just a little and everything was warm pressure and just as good as Sam had imagined. He found himself laughing straight into Gabriel's mouth, which made him pull back and return Sam’s overjoyed smile, before tangling a hand in his hair and diving right back in.

 


	5. Chapter 4

Sam was busy trying to convince himself that he was too old to feel nervous about a first date. It wasn't working very well. Especially as he was running late, and, okay, he had texted Gabriel, who had replied and of course would be waiting. But still. Sam had a sinking feeling that the last minute pile of work thrown at him by Mr Cox was a bad omen and the evening could only go downhill.

 

He finally arrived at the movie theatre, smoothing his hair down and trying to look less like he had run the last two blocks. He spotted Gabriel quickly, standing alone, fidgeting and checking his watch. On almost anyone else Sam would have called the actions nervous, but Gabriel came across as too self-assured for Sam to believe that. Gabriel didn't spot Sam until he was almost next to him, his entire face lighting up as he looked up at Sam. “Heya, Sammy! Knew you wouldn't stand me up.” He waved off Sam's attempt to apologise again. “I know, I know. Work blows. But no talking shop tonight. Movie, food, maybe hot totally pressure-free goodnight kisses?”

 

Sam had never seen a full-grown man attempt to bat his eyelashes before. He thought it should probably be disturbing; it certainly shouldn't be cute. “Maybe,” he replied, giving nothing away, “if you behave yourself.”

 

Gabriel affected a wounded expression. “Moi? I'm hurt, gorgeous, truly hurt you think so little of me.”

 

“I bet you are.” Sam looked around. “What are we seeing anyway?”

 

“It's a surprise!” Sam looked dubious and Gabriel grinned widely. “You are gonna love it!”

 

An hour later, Sam had gone from dubious to full disbelief. In all honesty he would have to call the film awful. All he was able to make of it was some blood-soaked zombie rampage. If it had any kind of plot it had entirely passed him by. It hadn't taken him long to write the movie off as a lost cause and focus on Gabriel instead. He was watching with evident delight, the light from the screen flickering over his face and highlighting each flash of expression. Sam was entranced.

 

Eventually, Gabriel noticed the scrutiny, raising an eyebrow and offering the popcorn box. Sam shook his head, decided _to hell with subtlety_ , and wrapped his arm around Gabriel's shoulders. He was pretty sure he could deal with Gabriel's brand of teasing, if necessary. Gabriel went tense for a moment, then relaxed into the embrace, wriggling as close as he could get in the uncomfortable seats. Sam didn't waste another minute watching the film.

 

When the movie ended they walked out with Sam's arm still in place. Rather more self-consciously in the well-lit public street than the dark theatre. But the way Gabriel leaned into him, reaching up to clasp their hands together, convinced him it was more than worth the potential attention. They walked that way to the restaurant, Gabriel chattering away about the film and Sam making encouraging comments at what seemed the appropriate moments.

 

They had to let go of each other to sit down for dinner. Once they had ordered, bickering good naturedly over each other's pronunciation of the Italian, Gabriel gave Sam a long look and his face fell. “So, how badly did you really hate the movie, kiddo?”

 

Sam winced. “Uhh, yeah, not really my thing. Sorry?”

 

“You could have said,” Gabriel sighed. “The idea is this is for both of us, you know. I asked and everything! You said anything was fine.”

 

Sam looked away guiltily. “Sorry,” he repeated, “I... it's kind of been a while since I dated. I think I sort of suck at it.”

 

Gabriel snorted. “Oh, I wouldn't say that. The arm thing? _Very_ nice. 'Bout as subtle as a moose in the middle of your garden. But nice.” He reached over and patted Sam's hand. “This ain't rocket science, Sam. And next time, you get to pick the movie. Subject me to whatever dreadful epic thinky-film is your idea of fun.” He gave a dramatic shudder.

 

“Next time?” Sam asked, a small pleased smile on his lips.

 

“Well, if you want to,” Gabriel replied, trying for casual and missing by a mile.

 

“Yeah, I do want to. And, for the record,” Sam leaned across the table and whispered conspiratorially, “I didn't come tonight for the movie.”

 

Gabriel's face shone with his sudden smile. “Oh, _smooth_ , Winchester. I see your game! Get my guard down with the 'poor innocent' act and then hit me with a line like that.”

 

“No game,” Sam replied, smiling widely in response.

 

“Oh, God, now he's brought out the dimples! I'm doomed!” Gabriel announced loudly, making Sam burst out laughing, trying half-heartedly to shush him, as some of the other diners started giving them bemused looks.

 

Sam thought it was probably lucky that their food arrived before Gabriel had the chance to become much more ridiculous. His cheeks already hurt from smiling so much. The food kept them both mostly occupied, although Sam found Gabriel's habit of gesticulating wildly with his cutlery somewhat disturbing. “Can you actually sit still?” he asked curiously at one point, as Gabriel came close to launching some pasta across the room.

Gabriel seemed to take a second to think. “Not really,” he admitted, darting his fork across the table to snag some of Sam's chicken, smirking unrepentantly and totally ignoring Sam's outraged yelp.

 

The end of their meal had Gabriel making grabby hands for the dessert menu and Sam smiling at the taken-aback waiter as he just ordered a coffee. Gabriel stared at him in disbelief. “Sammy, no love for dessert?”

 

Sam shrugged. “Take it or leave it, usually. What are you having anyway?”

 

“I don't _know_ ,” Gabriel pouted. “They have gelato. Strawberry _and_ chocolate! How's a guy to choose?” He went back to poring over the menu and Sam tried not to laugh at the agonised expression on his face.

 

When their waiter returned with Sam's coffee Gabriel ordered the strawberry, still casting longing glances at the menu as he handed it back. Abruptly, Sam came to a decision and held up his hand. “Sorry, changed my mind, could I get the chocolate gelato, please?”

 

Gabriel narrowed his eyes but said nothing and Sam awkwardly tried to fill the silence with questions about Gabriel's dog. He was pleased when Gabriel was coaxed into talking animatedly again, and eagerly agreed that their next date should be somewhere dog-friendly.

 

The desserts arrived, and Sam had to admit that the gelato was utterly delicious. He took a few spoonfuls, catching Gabriel watching him but obviously not quite prepared to outright ask to share. Sam caught his eye and tried to copy his smirk as he slowly reached over and took a spoonful of Gabriel's dessert. He nudged his bowl towards the center of the table and that was all the encouragement it took for Gabriel to help himself. “Oh, Sammy,” he said through a mouthful, “please tell me I can keep you.”

 

“Mind your table manners and you might have a chance,” deflected Sam, blushing. Gabriel just smiled and pushed his bowl towards the middle of the table too, and the rest of the meal was spent trading spoonfuls back and forth.

 

Sam managed to grab the check before Gabriel could, telling him that he could pay next time. From his knowing look Gabriel wasn't at all fooled by Sam's attempt to ensure another dinner date, but Sam didn't care. Gabriel hadn't seemed bothered by a lack of subtlety so far.

 

Outside, Gabriel saved Sam from the awkwardness of figuring out how to say goodnight by turning to him and asking, “So, goodnight kisses? I promise, for me, that was best behaviour!”

 

Sam laughed. “Wow, hope I never see your worst then.” But he was already bending down to kiss Gabriel softly, shivering at the slight chill of his lips. Gabriel pressed closer and Sam sighed in contentment, wrapping Gabriel up in his arms and just holding him while they kissed. Gabriel's hand was stroking through his hair, but his lips stayed light and undemanding, even as he made little breathy noises and opened his mouth for Sam to explore. Sam swore this was heaven .

 

**

 

Sam leaned his head back, enjoying the sun and a breeze after another week of being stuck in his office. It felt as if he had done nothing the entire week but travel to work, spend the day shut in working, go home, grab the simplest dinner possible, work more and collapse into bed so he could repeat it all over the next day. _Good thing I never thought this job was glamourous_ , he'd found himself thinking frequently. Evening coffees with Gabriel had been regretfully sacrificed to his workload and Sam hadn't seen him since the previous weekend.

 

A loud wolf-whistle jerked Sam out of his relaxation. Gabriel sauntered up, waving. “Looking good there, honey.” He gave Sam a lingering appreciative look.

 

Sam stood up trying to give Gabriel a quelling glare, but he strongly suspected it was leaning more towards a smile at the sight of the little terrier trotting along at Gabriel's heels. “Do _not_ call me 'honey' or I swear I will find something worse to call you,” he insisted, hoping both that it would be more effective than telling Gabriel not to call him 'Sammy' had been and that Gabriel wouldn't call his bluff. He didn't doubt for a second that Gabriel was more inventive than he was and had a higher tolerance for embarrassing himself in public. “Why don't you introduce me to this little guy instead?” he suggested, indicating the dog now watching Sam with a wary expression.

 

“Sure thing,” Gabriel agreed. “Sammy, this is Max. Max, say hi to Sammy.” Sam took a half step forward and Max darted away to hide behind Gabriel's legs. Sam stopped and cast a hurt look at Gabriel, whose lips were twitching. “I think you're too tall for him!” Gabriel declared with glee. Crouching down, Sam tried calling the dog's name, but it refused to move, as Gabriel gave in and started laughing. “Okay. Sam, you sit down a minute.”

 

Sam obeyed, seating himself back on the bench. Gabriel settled next to him and scooped Max up to sit on this lap. The terrier seemed happy enough to be cuddled, although it kept watching Sam not entirely happily. “Okay, Max,” said Gabriel, “this is Sam. You remember, I told you all about him, until Kali said if I didn't stop going on about his eyes she'd hide the tv remote somewhere I'd never find it right before _Wipeout_.” He winked briefly at Sam, who blushed. “Sam _really_ likes dogs. I do get you, Max. He really is unnecessarily tall. Seriously, what did they feed you, Kiddo?” He carried on talking to Max, peering up at him with every appearance of listening intently, before Sam could answer. “But just think how far he'd throw your ball! You'd like that. He's a total gentle giant, and I know he's really excited to meet you. So, whaddya say, Max?” The dog cocked his head and whined.

 

Gabriel reached over and grabbed Sam's hand, holding it up for Max to sniff at. A few seconds later, Max was licking at Sam's fingers eagerly, wagging his tail as Gabriel stroked his back. “There we are! All friends now, kiddos?” Gabriel asked.

 

Sam laughed. “You are two are really adorable,” he replied, scratching Max's ears with his free hand.

 

“Lies and slander!” cried Gabriel, “Max is the adorable one. Now, me? I'm more the debonair, handsome type.”

 

Sam wasn't having any of it. “You're sitting on a park bench talking to your dog. Sorry, Gabriel, adorable it is.” He wriggled the hand Gabriel was still holding until he could entwine their fingers. “I'll give you the handsome, though,” he added, with a sideways glance and a squeeze of his hand.

 

Gabriel smiled widely, “Right back atcha, Sammy.” Sam could feel a blush spreading across his cheeks and was immensely grateful to be saved from having to answer by Max, who starting barking loudly. He startled, then realised that both he and Gabriel had stopped petting the dog, which was obviously unacceptable. He rubbed Max's ears in apology.

 

Rummaging in the pocket of his coat, Gabriel produced a tennis ball, gaining Max's complete attention. He passed it over to Sam. “Max likes to run,” he explained.

 

“You want to fetch it, Max?” Sam asked, holding up the ball for the dog. Gabriel unclipped his leash and Max jumped down to the ground, spinning around in excited circles. With a grin Sam tossed the ball easily across the grass. Max did nothing, and Sam would have sworn he gave Gabriel a disappointed stare. “What'd I do?”

 

“Aww, come on Sammy. You call that a throw? My ninety year old grandma can throw further than that. You aren't gonna make a liar out of me to Max here, are you?” Gabriel leaned back, laughter and a challenge in his eyes. “Better go fetch, Sam. Max ain't gonna put in the effort if you don't.”

 

Sam crossed the grass and retrieved the ball. He narrowly resisted the urge to throw it back at Gabriel to see if his reflexes were up to catching it and if the surprise would knock the laughter off his face. Apparently, dating Gabriel and enjoying his company didn't stop Sam from finding him insufferable sometimes. Instead, Sam turned around and checked the park. Despite the nice weather it did seem fairly empty. He picked the most deserted looking area, shrugged, and hurled the ball in that direction.

 

Max shot past him with an excited _yip_ , going faster than Sam had believed possible for his short legs.He turned back to Gabriel, still sitting on the bench and laughing. “Wow,” was all Sam could find to say. Gabriel laughed harder, and Sam went with the only method he'd found that could reliably stop him; he sat back next to him, bent down and kissed him. The laughter melted into a sigh, then quiet contented noises from both of them as they enjoyed each other.

 

Scratching against his leg made Sam pull away, to receive the ball from a panting Max. “Good boy,” he praised, rubbing the dog's head as he preened. “You,” he said, straightening and pointing at Gabriel, “are not a good boy. I swear you laugh at me just so I'll make you stop like that.”

 

“Ooh, so I'm your bad boy, am I, Sammy? Got any other ways of shutting me up?” Gabriel practically purred, making Sam flush red. Somehow he always seemed to walk straight into these moments with Gabriel.

 

“No, you're an ass,” he retorted, “and this is definitely on purpose.”

 

Gabriel shrugged. “But you blush so prettily, baby. Can't resist.” Sam didn't reply and looked away, just catching Gabriel biting at his lip out of the corner of his eye. A brief pause, then “Sorry.” Sam looked back and Gabriel gave him a faint smile. “I _can_ stop, if you want. I just kinda... run my mouth a lot.”

 

Sam snorted. “You? I hadn't noticed.” He sobered and considered Gabriel's offer in silence for a moment. “Maybe try to dial it back? I don't _mind_. It's just, uh, a bit weird?”

 

“Yeah, I can do that,” nodded Gabriel. He gave a sly little smile. “Am I forgiven then?”

 

Sam sighed; he knew that look. “You're still an ass.”

 

Gabriel shifted closer. “Never denied it, handsome.” Sam rolled his eyes, but when Gabriel reached up to tangle a hand in his hair and pull him down for a kiss he went willingly and with a smile. He bit down gently on Gabriel's lower lip, not sure if it was punishment for the teasing or reward for the concession, but loving the shocked noise it got him and the way Gabriel kissed him back as if there was nothing else in the world he wanted.

 

A soft whining eventually drove them breathlessly apart. They both laughed to see Max sitting dejectedly on the ground staring at the ball still in Sam's hand. “Sorry, boy,” Sam apologised, standing so he could throw the ball again. Max tore off after it, with every indication that Sam and Gabriel were totally forgiven.

 

**

 

Sam walked Gabriel and Max home from the park. Well, he walked with Gabriel, who carried Max. Sam's throwing arm had delighted the terrier and, eventually, completely exhausted him. He'd come trotting back with the ball one final time to deposit it at Sam's feet and roll over onto his back for belly rubs. Then he'd refused to move again, making whimpering noises as Gabriel clipped on his leash and tried to get him moving towards home. From Gabriel's lack of concern it was a regular game, and Sam watched with amusement. Max won, not even the promise of an ice cream cone being enough to lure him up again. So, Sam walked back with Gabriel cradling his dog, smiling affectionately at the picture they made.

 

They stopped outside Gabriel's apartment building. “Huh,” remarked Gabriel, looking up, “Kali's home early.” He glanced at Sam. “Why don't you come on up? Say hi, stay for food or whatever.”

 

Sam shifted uncomfortably. He had not been avoiding Kali at work. He hadn't. He had just been... occasionally coincidentally finding other places to be. And, when he did run into her, sticking strictly to polite but professional conversation. _What the hell are you meant to say to the woman who is sleeping with the man you're dating?_ Sam didn't know the answer but he doubted that it could be a comfortable discussion. He'd taken her lack of fury and Gabriel's continued breathing as confirmation of the fact that she was alright with the situation and proceeded to think about everything as little as possible. He was happy, Gabriel seemed happy and presumably Kali was happy with things as they were. Why rock the boat? “I wouldn't want to intrude,” he replied.

 

“You wouldn't be,” Gabriel responded, with a frown. “I just invited you. 'Sides, Kali was gonna be out all day today, so _technically_? She'd be the one intruding.”

 

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Uh, yeah, do you really think that sophistry is going to work on a lawyer, Gabriel? Especially Kali.”

 

“Fair point,” Gabriel conceded. “Offer still stands.”

  
“Sorry, I really should get back. Stuff to do tonight.” Sam had a feeling Gabriel saw straight through his excuse, but didn't argue. He bent down to drop a goodbye kiss on Gabriel's cheek, patted Max one last time and headed home with a wave.


	6. Chapter 5

The first text arrived just as Sam was leaving work.

 

_Rain check on dinner tonight?_

 

Sam frowned, his good mood draining away. He'd been looking forward to the meal. Or, more precisely, to seeing Gabriel again. From the enthusiastic texts Gabriel had been bombarding him with since their last meeting, Sam had thought he was just as eager. And the tone of the message was completely lacking Gabriel's normal effusiveness. Sam thumbed back a quick reply, suddenly worried.

 

_Sure. Everything ok?_

 

The response took just long enough for Sam to imagine several unpleasant scenarios and did nothing to soothe him when it did come.

 

_Peachy_

 

 

He debated pushing; texting again or even calling and trying to coax Gabriel into talking. In the end he slipped his phone away with a sigh. The 'I don't want to talk about it' had been loud and clear. Gabriel had been better than Sam had dared to hope for about Sam’s boundaries, the least he could do was grant Gabriel the same courtesy.

 

His phone was silent until he was at home, changing out of his suit into an old pair of jeans and a shirt, with a regretful look at the smarter outfit he'd picked out. He heard his text alert several times in quick succession from where he'd abandoned his phone on the coffee table. He debated the virtues of going and poking through his fridge in search of something for dinner. It wasn't that he couldn't cook, exactly. It was just that he didn't enjoy it at the best of times, and having been looking forward to dinner out all day, this was not the best of times. Instead, Sam flopped down on his couch and checked his phone.

 

_Sorry_

 

_Really fucking awful day_

 

_Not fit to be allowed out in public_

 

Sam considered his response, relieved that Gabriel was talking but still worried. Several were started and deleted before he impulsively tapped out a message.

 

_Want to come over? I was going to order pizza_

 

Gabriel's response took a few minutes; long enough for Sam's brain to start up a mantra of 'what the hell do you think you're doing?'.

 

_I like pepperoni_

 

Sam exhaled slowly and sent his address.

 

_See you soon_

 

Sam dropped his head into his hands and wondered what he had got himself into. They hadn't visited each other's homes yet. Sam had felt uncomfortable with the idea of visiting Gabriel and Kali's apartment and uncertain of the implications of asking Gabriel to his place. _Well, it's done now_. Casting a quick glance around the room he grinned ruefully. At least his rather spartan living arrangements had the advantage of creating very little mess. Content that Gabriel wouldn't be appalled by the state of the place, he grabbed his phone and called for pizza.

 

Gabriel showed up a little before the food, knocking such an irritating rhythm on Sam's door that he knew who it had to be. He opened it, mentally biting back a comment and reminding himself that he shouldn't have invited Gabriel over this evening if he wasn't prepared to be patient. When he saw Gabriel he was unable to hold back a gasp. He looked like he'd been in a fight, his lower lip swollen and bruising over his left cheekbone. He tried for his normal cocky grin. “Heya, Sammy. Better stop staring or I'll think you only want me for my body.”

 

Sam flushed and ushered Gabriel inside. “Shit, Gabriel. What _happened_? Are you okay? Go sit down. Do you want some ice? I've probably got frozen peas or something.”

 

Gabriel held up a hand. “ _Sammy_. I'm fine, okay. Some douchebag rear-ended me on my way to work this morning. I mighta run my mouth off a bit at him. He took offense and swung at me.” He grimaced. “Couple of passersby tackled him, no real harm done. I mentioned I'd had a really shitty day, right? Now, you promised me pizza and I brought wine. Let's see if the evening's looking up.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Sam started and was interrupted by a knock at the door. “Uh, yeah, pizza. Can you grab the plates? Cupboard over the counter,” he asked, scrambling for his wallet.

 

By the time he had paid and collected the pizza, Gabriel had found not only the plates but a fistful of napkins and was searching through the kitchen drawers, until he produced a corkscrew with a triumphant gesture. Sam fetched the wine glasses and between them they gathered everything up and deposited it on the coffee table and themselves on the couch. Gabriel opened the wine and poured it. “You're probably meant to wait for it to breathe, or some crap,” he said, swirling his glass slightly. He shrugged, took a large mouthful and reached for a slice of pizza.

 

“I wouldn't know,” replied Sam, taking a smaller sip. “Tastes good, though.” He paused. “I guess you don't want to talk about your day.”

 

Gabriel pulled a face and winced. “Ow. Fuck, no, I don't.” He kicked his shoes off and tucked his legs up underneath him. “Tell me about yours though.”

 

Sam blinked. “Uh, really boring. Second year associates don't get to do the exciting stuff.”

 

Gabriel snorted. “Law not everything bright-eyed, idealistic little Sammy thought it would be?”

 

“Not sure I was ever that,” he said thoughtfully. “I knew it would suck sometimes. Especially starting out. But, it's important, you know?”

 

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah, yeah I do know. Kinda fell into teaching, but I know what you mean.” He grinned, breaking the uncharacteristically serious mood. “So, you're saying nothing funny happened at all today? Not even this week?”

 

Sam grinned in reply. “Well... you would probably have enjoyed the look on Cox's face after he didn't get any of his messages for a whole day after he made one of the receptionists cry over nothing. They stick together.”

 

“How the hell's that dick still have a job?” Gabriel asked, with a dark look.

 

Sam shrugged. “Partner. More trouble to get rid of than it's worth, I guess.” He cast around for another funny story to distract Gabriel and ended up sharing pretty much every anecdote he could remember from his time at the firm, until Gabriel was relaxed and smiling again, and the pizza and wine were gone.

 

Gabriel had made himself completely at home, sprawled over what seemed like most of the couch. Sam produced the tv remote from the table and tossed it to Gabriel. “Want to watch a movie or something?” Gabriel hummed a noncommittal noise, but turned the tv on and started flicking through the channels. He finally settled on something involving an awful lot of penguins. “Nature, Gabriel? Really?” It didn't seem his thing.

 

“Really,” Gabriel shrugged. “Feeling a lot better about animals than I am about people tonight. Besides, penguins are just cute, okay.”

 

“Sure,” Sam agreed, “until they get eaten by a polar bear or something.”

 

“Wrong continent for polar bears, Sammy.” Gabriel shook his head in mock disappointment. “Wow, they're letting just anyone into Stanford these days.”

 

Sam snorted. “Be quiet, get over here and watch your penguins,” he ordered, leaning back into the couch and gesturing Gabriel over. He only needed the one invitation, curling up against Sam's chest with a happy sigh. Sam wrapped an arm around him and held both his hands, rubbing gentle circles onto the backs with his thumbs.

 

They stayed like that, with Gabriel making sarcastic comments at the TV every so often, because apparently not even penguins were cute enough to entirely escape his snark. He pulled Sam's arm up over his eyes and hid his face when the seals attacked, as Sam laughed and stroked his hair. He couldn't resist bending down to press a kiss to the top of Gabriel's head, quietly shushing his grumbles about 'it not being funny, Sammy'.

 

Gradually, Gabriel's comments came quieter and further apart, interrupted by yawns. He slumped further into Sam's lap, and Sam found himself matching his breathing as it slowed and deepened, until he didn't dare to move, almost certain Gabriel was asleep in his arms. He stroked his fingers through Gabriel's hair, so, so slowly. Gabriel made a quiet contented noise and rubbed his cheek against Sam's chest. Sam smiled fondly, tightened his arm around Gabriel as he stilled and carried on playing with his soft hair. When awake, Gabriel didn't tend to stay still long enough for Sam to really indulge his fascination with Gabriel's hair, so Sam took advantage of this opportunity.

 

The penguin show ended and one about the Sahara came and went. Some very slow wriggling had ended with Sam propped against the arm of the couch with Gabriel supported on his chest, where Sam could smooth his hair and watch his face. Firmly telling himself it wasn't creepy to watch someone sleep if they were your boyfriend and had literally fallen asleep on you. A documentary about Australia was just starting when Sam found himself starting to yawn and had to wonder what he was going to do.

 

Gabriel was showing no signs of waking up by himself. He hadn't even stirred as Sam had maneuvered them into a more comfortable position. And as much as Sam was loving sitting cuddling Gabriel, it wasn't a position he wanted to sleep in. He could probably get off the couch and go to bed without waking Gabriel. But that felt incredibly rude, to just abandon the man on his couch. Sam knew there was a good chance Gabriel wouldn't care at all and he'd wake up the next morning to find he had cheerfully commandeered Sam's kitchen for breakfast. It still didn't feel right to him, though.

 

 _So, wake him up_ . It would be heartless to wake him up only to essentially throw him out and send him home. But Sam balked at the alternative. Letting Gabriel share his bed felt intensely intimate. He stroked a gentle finger along Gabriel's unbruised cheek. He _did_ trust him not to push the lack of sex, even sleeping together. He did. Mostly. _Offer to let him stay_ , a part of him whispered, _then you'll know for sure one way or the other._ Sam sighed, torn. Gabriel muttered something, and Sam realised he'd stopped stroking his hair. He started up again with a smile. And hell, he really didn't want Gabriel to go home. He wanted to wake up with him in the morning. He wanted to be sure he could trust him.

 

Sam took a deep breath and shook Gabriel's shoulder. “Gabriel.” The other man groaned and screwed his face up. “Come on, sweetheart. Wake up now.” He didn't get an intelligible response, but Gabriel's eyes flickered open, so Sam figured he was awake enough to count. “Hey there. It's getting late.”

 

Gabriel blinked sleepily up at him. “'S'creepy watching people sleep, Sammy,” he mumbled.

 

“Yeah well, you fell asleep on me, I think I'm entitled,” Sam returned.

 

“Ah, crap,” said Gabriel, pushing himself up and rubbing his face. He yelped as he brushed his bruises. “Shit. Sorry, Sam. Didn't mean to.” He yawned and looked shamefaced. “Just tired, I guess. I'll go home and get outta your hair.”

 

Sam stopped him with a hand on his arm as he went to leave the couch. “You don't have to. Uh, my bed is big enough. You could stay? If you wanted?” He groaned inwardly at his awkwardness.

 

Gabriel gave him a long look. “You sure, Sam?” He yawned again. “'Cos I am really tired and I'm not gonna be polite about this for long. So, if you'd prefer me gone, say it. Fair warning, I'm a total cuddle slut. I'll plaster myself all over you if you let me. And by 'let me' I mean ‘if you don't stay awake all night to push me off’.”

 

In all honestly, Sam thought that sounded wonderful. Of all the bits of a relationship that he had missed, falling asleep and waking up cuddled up to someone, just enjoying their presence, was near the top of the list. “Well, I steal the blankets, so I think I can cope with that,” was all he told Gabriel.

 

“Sounds fair. Got a toothbrush I can borrow?”

 

“You are not borrowing a toothbrush, that's revolting. I'm sure I have a spare somewhere though.”

 

“Aww, my own toothbrush at your place, Sammy? I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy here.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, hoping it would disguise the way he flushed with pleasure at the image. “I'll just go find that for you.” He found the spare toothbrush in his bathroom cabinet, quickly brushed his own teeth and returned to Gabriel, who was still hovering by the couch. Sam relaxed a fraction. It was reassuring to think that Gabriel might be nervous about this too. “Bathroom, bedroom,” he pointed and presented Gabriel with the toothbrush. “Help yourself to whatever, I'm going to change.” Gabriel nodded and headed for the bathroom.

 

In his bedroom, Sam changed into pyjama pants, glad Gabriel wasn't there to watch him. He was just debating adding a t-shirt when Gabriel walked into before he could make up his mind and stopped as if he'd walked into a wall. “Wow.” Sam could practically hear him biting back a more inappropriate comment. “Sorry, sorry. Just... wow.”

 

Sam resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest and went with his usual tactic for when Gabriel was being inappropriate. He ignored him and pulled back the covers. Gabriel made an aborted move towards the bed, then stopped, fidgeting. “By the way,” he said, not quite meeting Sam's eyes, “if my dick decides to poke you in the back or something in the night, just kick me or roll me out or whatever. Dumb thing doesn't always listen to me.” He pulled such an overblown disgruntled face that Sam couldn't help snorting with laughter. He relaxed and Gabriel shot him a crooked smile, making him suspect that had been the whole point.

 

“Sure thing. Now, are you in or out here?”

 

“Oh, in, for sure,” replied Gabriel, shucking his trousers and shirt but leaving his boxers and undershirt. He crawled under the covers and Sam followed suit, flicking the bedside light off as he did so. He felt Gabriel wriggle closer and he fumbled in the darkness for the other man's shoulder, urging him close enough to hug. Gabriel relaxed into the embrace, snuggling in against Sam. “Guess I'm not the only cuddly one here, huh?” he mumbled, his breath puffing across Sam's face.

 

Sam brushed his lips over Gabriel's, feeling him smile, then flinch as he tried to deepen the kiss. “Ow! Fucking ass just had to punch me in the mouth,” he complained.

 

Sam huffed out a laugh and tightened his embrace. “Go to sleep, Gabriel,” he whispered, already drifting off himself.

 

**

 

Warmth and comfort were Sam's first sensations as he started to wake up. Then the vague idea that something was missing. He thought there had been someone in bed with him, pressed up tight against his back, breath hot on his shoulder. Gabriel. He rolled over and patted across the bed. No Gabriel.

 

He pushed himself upright and peered around. No sign of Gabriel, apart from his clothes still lying on the floor. But the sound of the shower running registered. He flopped back down, confused but content, and waited for Gabriel to reappear.

 

Sam was almost asleep again when he heard the door open. Cracking one eye open he saw Gabriel, still in his boxers and shirt but with damp hair. He looked guilty as that saw that Sam was awake. “Sorry. Didn't wanna wake you.”

 

Sam frowned, his mind sleepily putting two and two together. “Did you just jerk off in my shower?”

 

Gabriel flushed and tried for a grin. “Oh wow, you just have no filter when you're half asleep, do you? Bet you're a fun drunk!” Sam just frowned more and Gabriel deflated. “Err, yeah. Kinda seemed the least awkward option, really.”

 

Sam considered that. Distantly, he thought he should be bothered. But Gabriel hadn't actually disturbed him at all. Maybe the discomfort would hit later, but for now... “Okay,” Sam decided. “Time is it?”

 

“Umm, stupid AM. Seriously, I didn't even know this time existed on a Saturday morning.”

 

“'Kay. You coming back in here?”

 

Gabriel paused. “You want me to?”

 

Sam nodded. “You're warm.” He made a vague 'get over here' gesture.

 

With a shrug, Gabriel shut the bedroom door and joined Sam in bed again. Sam immediately curled around him, pulling Gabriel against his chest. Gabriel hummed and pressed a kiss to the nearest piece of skin. “Kinda had you figured for a morning person, Sammy.”

 

“Weekend,” Sam offered as an explanation. “Just wanna stay here for a bit.”

  
He heard Gabriel swallow before he replied. “Yeah.. 'S fine by me, kiddo.”


	7. Chapter 6

“Still not sitting down there with you.”

 

“One day, handsome, one day.” Gabriel pushed himself up from the beanbag he'd sunk into and joined Sam at his table. Sam shrugged a little apologetically at the waitress giggling behind her hand at what had become a regular display in the Bean Bag over the last couple of months.

 

“So, plans for the weekend?” Gabriel asked, after they'd both complained about their days.

 

“Not really. I don't know what's on, but we could go see a movie? Whatever you want, really.” Sam bit back a wince at the open-ended offer. He did know that Gabriel knew that it was just an expression but that didn't mean he would refrain from commenting on it.

 

To his surprise, Gabriel did seem to let the slip go. “Well, I was thinking...” Gabriel was fidgeting, playing with his mug and Sam thought he looked almost nervous. “Why don't you come over for dinner on Saturday? Doesn't seem fair I'm always taking over your couch, gotta give you equal opportunities.” He flashed Sam a bright, teasing smile.

 

“Uh,” Sam hesitated, trying to work out a polite way to ask if Kali would be there. She was the reason Sam still hadn't visited Gabriel's apartment, and he thought Gabriel had realised that from the way he had stopped trying to coax Sam over. So, if he was asking again, it probably meant that Kali was away for the weekend, or something, and Gabriel was feeling lonely. “Yeah, okay then,” he agreed. “What time?”

 

Gabriel smiled bright and genuine, the smile that never failed to take Sam's breath away. “Great! Dinner's about six on a weekend, so if you show up about five? Or whenever really. Someone'll be in. Kali's cooking. She makes this curry that's totally to die for.”

 

Sam tried not to let his dismay show on his face but, from the way Gabriel's smile flickered before returning just a touch less genuinely, he suspected he had failed. Knowing he had no polite way out now that he had agreed and that saying pretty much anything would result in an argument he didn't want at all, let alone in public, Sam just nodded. “Sure, I'll see you Saturday then.” He got up and pulled his jacket on. “Sorry, long day, I'd better be getting home.” Hurt flashed across Gabriel's face and Sam had to remind himself that Gabriel had manouvered him into a situation he had been pointedly trying to avoid and he had legitimate reasons to be cross, when his first instinct was to pull Gabriel into a hug.

 

“See you Saturday,” he repeated, gently. For some reason this seemed to mean something to Gabriel, so Sam would go along with it.

 

“Yeah, see ya, Sammy.” Gabriel was subdued but wiggled his fingers in a wave at Sam as he left.

 

**

 

Friday turned into a nightmare day at work for Sam. Messages that had disappeared somewhere amongst the secretaries before reaching Sam had left him scrambling to catch up or face the partners' wrath. His lunch break had been sacrificed to background research and he swore the clock in his office must be broken because time could not possibly move that slowly. When someone knocked on his door in the late afternoon he could barely refrain from throwing himself at their feet and thanking God for the interruption.

 

“Come in,” he called, trying to look less like he was on the verge of tearing his hair out. Kali entered quickly enough that Sam didn't think she had waited for his reply, shut the door behind her, sat down opposite Sam and waited.

 

“Umm,” Sam's mind tried to process the development, “were we meant to have a meeting? See, I think everyone's forgotten I exist in here and I haven't been getting any messages, and oh, God if someone's messed up something else, it's going to be on my head. I just don't have time for it!” He realised he was babbling and Kali was watching him with what looked like faint amusement as he trailed off. And, oh, yes, this was just as awkward as he'd thought it was going to be and he'd been right to avoid her and what on earth did he think he was doing going to dinner with her tomorrow? And now he was even babbling in his own head and he just really needed today to be over.

 

Sam considered himself lucky when Kali didn't laugh out loud at him. “No, we did not have a meeting,” she stated after a long silence. “Gabriel sent me.”

 

“Uhh,” Sam cursed himself for sounding like a total idiot. “What for?” It wasn't as if Gabriel didn't have his mobile number. He wasn't usually shy about texting Sam, even knowing he was at work.

 

“To talk to you, apparently.” Kali's face gave nothing away.

 

“Okaaaay,” replied Sam slowly, giving himself time to get his brain working and sound less like he'd bluffed his way through Stanford. “About anything specific? Nice weather we've been having lately?” He thought he might have seen Kali's mouth twitch at that.

 

“He wasn't specific. We will be seeing you for dinner tomorrow.” It didn't sound like a question but Sam nodded anyway. Kali nodded too, as if everything was as she had expected, got up and left. Sam was left staring at the door, wondering if the entire day was some kind of bizarre, vivid dream.

 

**

 

Saturday evening found Sam climbing the stairs to Gabriel's apartment carrying a six pack of beer and telling himself to stop stalling because he was being ridiculous. He was a grown man and should definitely not be hovering in stairwells because he was nervous about a damn date. A deep breath, and he made himself climb the final flight of stairs. Voices were audible ahead of him, and he turned the corner to find Kali standing in the hallway, talking to a redheaded woman holding Max on his lead.

 

“Try to avoid doing anything to get yourself arrested,” Kali was saying.

 

The other woman laughed. “Oh please. I'm better than that. And if by some tiny little chance I do, I know a kickass lawyer anyway, right?”

 

“Flattery will not get you free representation, you know.”

 

“Yeah, I know, I know.” Their conversation was interrupted when Max spotted Sam and started pulling on his lead. Sam walked up and knelt down to pet him.

 

“Sam, welcome,” Kali acknowledged him with a nod. She looked at her watch. “I need to go and check on dinner.” She went into her apartment, leaving Sam kneeling awkwardly in the corridor with Max rubbing up against him and the redhead grinning knowingly at him.

 

“You do get used to Kali,” she said. “I'm Charlie, by the way.” She stuck out her hand and Sam got up to shake it. “So, you must be Gabe and Kali's latest flame.”

 

“I don't know about that,” hesitated Sam, wincing at the description. This was stuff he wasn't even sure he wanted to think about, nevermind discuss with a virtual stranger.

 

“Okay, well, no judgement. They're both good people, really.” Charlie looked around. “Well, I guess you're taking Max then.” She presented him with the lead. “Expect I'll see you around, Mister...?”

 

Sam flushed. “Sorry, it's Sam.” Damn but he was off balance tonight. “Good to meet you, Charlie.” His wave was met by a vulcan salute and he found himself laughing, his shoulders untensing. He looked down at Max who was looking hopefully at the door. “Well, Max, here goes nothing.”

 

Kali had left the door ajar, and Sam only had to push it open. He found himself in a living room that he would never have guessed belonged to Gabriel; it didn't seem nearly ostentatious enough. Whoever had decorated had clearly valued comfort and warm colours. Sam thought the two couches looked so soft you would probably have difficulty getting up from them again. The widescreen television on the wall he did put down to Gabriel’s influence, given the length of time he could rant about certain shows for.

 

No-one was in sight, and Sam wondered why Gabriel hadn't already greeted him; it wasn’t like him to hold back. He followed the sounds of someone moving and stuck his head into the kitchen. Just Kali, watching a pot on the stove and sipping from a mug. “Hi,” Sam offered uncertainly. “Uh, I brought beer. I think that's what you drink with curry?”

 

Kali took the box from him and put it on the counter. “Thank you.” She looked at her watch and sighed. “Gabriel is late. His car broke down and he's waiting for a tow truck. Although, from the fact that he's no longer irritating me with texts every thirty seconds, it has probably arrived and he should be on his way.” Sam certainly hoped so.

 

“Oh.” Sam shifted uncomfortably, wishing Gabriel had thought to warn him. “Well, can I help with anything?”

 

“Yes, you can keep Max out from underfoot.” Kali shot the dog a piercing look. “He has an unfortunate habit of chewing my shoes, regardless of whether I'm wearing them at the time.”

 

“Okay, sure,” Sam agreed, happy enough to have an excuse to leave the kitchen. He bent down and scooped Max into his arms. “Come on, boy.” He carried the dog back into the living room, unhooking his lead.

 

“Would you like a drink?” Kali called after him.

 

“No, I'll wait. Thanks,” replied Sam, hanging Max's lead on a handy hook by the door and wondering what to do with himself. It would feel strange to sit in the room alone, and turning the television on seemed presumptuous. He settled for investigating the overflowing bookcases that seemed to be wedged up against any spare bit of wall. There was no apparent order to them, with high fantasy shoved in next to some law books that Sam recognised and most of the next shelf taken up with a mixture of mythology and history. Sam had no intention of asking if it was Gabriel or Kali who owned the few trashy romance novels he saw lurking in the corners.

 

Sam scratched Max's ears and idly wondered how anyone ever found anything specific in this mess of a book collection. Although he had to admit to being slightly envious of it; first space and now time had always prevented him from getting much of a library together. He was just picking up a hardback copy of the first Harry Potter novel when Max's ears pricked up and he started whining and wriggling in Sam's grasp. Sam just managed to avoid dropping him by bending down and letting him jump to the floor, when Gabriel breezed through the door with a cheery call of, “I'm back! Miss me?” Max tore across the room to greet his owner.

 

With a jerk, Sam straightened up and replaced the book on the shelf, feeling absurdly like he'd been caught prying. “Hey. Wondered if you were going to make it.” He hoped his voice sounded less accusatory to Gabriel than it did to himself.

 

Gabriel's cheerful expression faltered slightly. “Yeah, sorry, hot stuff.” He shrugged. “My car has little moments sometimes. Not much I could do about it.”

 

“You could have texted me and given me a heads up!” Sam hissed, aware of Kali still in the kitchen. And he knew this was an awful time to pick an argument; it wasn't one he wanted to have at all. It wasn't as if he didn't already know that Gabriel could be thoughtless at times. He should just let it go.

 

Gabriel's face was dark. “Yeah, okay, Sam. And if I'd done that. Would you even have turned up tonight?”

 

Sam flinched away from the question and the fact that his honest answer was 'probably not'. “You know what, let's forget it, okay? Long week. I'm sorry.” He tried a smile and a change of topic. “Is your car okay?”

 

“Yeah, she's okay. Like I said, she gets like that sometimes.” Sam could tell Gabriel's smile was mostly a mask, but was grateful he was willing to end their argument.

 

“She?” Sam asked with a more genuine smile.

 

“Yeah, she. And don't you start, kiddo. That car and I have history together!”

 

“I'm... not really sure I want to know.” Sam decided.

 

“Now whose mind's in the gutter? Not _that_ sort of history. Well, not _just_ that sort of history.” Gabriel gave a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows and Sam stifled a laugh. “Kali in the kitchen?” He asked, already heading for the door. “Stay,” he told Max, who looked ready to try sliding through the door behind him. Holding the door, he gestured Sam through ahead of him, watching Max carefully all the while.

 

Kali nodded as they entered. “Gabriel, nice of you to join us. And has the car made it or is it for the junkyard this time?”

 

“Kali, babe, you wound me!” Gabriel pouted, making a pathetic picture. “Mechanic's got her. She'll be just fine.” Sam raised an eyebrow at the 'babe' but reminded himself that Gabriel tended to litter nicknames around like a particularly untidy child did their toys.

 

“Wonderful,” replied Kali dryly as she turned back to the stove to stir something. Gabriel shot Sam a look, as if looking for support. Sam didn't think he'd ever even seen Gabriel's car to have an opinion.

 

“What do you drive, anyway?” he asked.

 

“VW Bug,” Gabriel announced proudly.

 

Sam frowned, dredging up memories of when he'd been outside the apartment. “Not the yellow one?”

 

Kali hid a smirk behind her hand and Gabriel glared at both of them. “It's gold, Sammy. Not yellow.”

 

“No, Gabriel, it's yellow,” Kali put in. “After the resprays, it isn't even all the same shade of yellow.”

 

Gabriel reached out beseechingly to Kali. “Come on, Kali! Whose side are you on here?”

 

She raised her eyebrows. “As a lawyer? Whoever is paying me. You,” she jabbed a finger at him, “ are not paying me.”

 

“What about the orgasms?” asked Gabriel with a sly grin. Sam choked and tried to unobtrusively sidle towards the door. He was surprised Gabriel didn't ignite from the heat of the glare Kali sent him.

 

“Are you _sure_ you want to play that game?” A pause, in which Gabriel wisely stayed silent. “I thought not. Now, stop distracting me and go lay the table.”

 

Gabriel saluted smartly but with a good-natured grin. He gestured Sam out of the kitchen ahead of him. “Still love me as much as ever, right, beautiful?” He tossed back over his shoulder to Kali, and Sam almost tripped over Max at the word 'love' and the pure affection in Gabriel's voice. He didn't hear Kali's reply, too stunned and wondering if he could possibly have misheard. “ _It's just sex.”_ He remembered Gabriel saying that. The first time they'd met at the Bean Bag. He'd _believed_ that.

 

Sam was grateful his back was to Gabriel, as he took a deep breath and tried to regain his composure. Maybe he had misunderstood. Gabriel teased and joked almost endlessly, he knew that. And after living together for so long, Gabriel and Kali had to have a lot of jokes together. He winced a little; even if that was the best case, the trust necessary to joke around with the idea of love hurt. Especially as he didn't think he and Gabriel weren't even close to saying it to each other. Even if Sam was becoming increasingly sure that was what he felt for Gabriel.

 

A poke to his shoulder brought Sam back to himself and he realised he'd frozen, trapping Gabriel behind him. “Hey, mooseman, you wanna move along a bit? Or you get to explain to Kali why we kept her waiting.”

 

“Sorry,” Sam forced what he hoped was a vaguely cheerful expressions onto his face and shifted out of Gabriel's way.

 

Gabriel frowned at him. “Everything ok, Sammy?”

 

Sam forced a smile. Hopefully it looked less like a grimace than it felt. “Yeah, fine. Just... yeah, long week.”

 

“Okay,” Gabriel didn't look convinced. He reached up and cupped Sam's cheek, his fingers stroking gently. At his urging, Sam leaned down and he went up on tiptoes until their lips met. Sam found himself unable to bear the closeness and warmth of Gabriel's eyes, and he closed his. Neither of them made any move to deepen the kiss. After a few seconds, Sam stepped back and Gabriel's hand fell away from his face. Gabriel still looked worried and opened his mouth to speak.

 

“Table,” Sam reminded him before he could get a word out. This whole thing was a conversation that he and Gabriel needed to have, but definitely _not here_. Gabriel nodded and led the way, Max trotting along behind him.

 

**

 

From the moment he had agreed to it, Sam had known that this dinner would be painful. His new-found fears and uncertainties raised it to torturous. Not that the food was bad. Sam would never have guessed it, but Kali was obviously a superb cook. The curry was spicy without being overpowering, the rice and bread were both light and delicious. He wished he was in a position to properly enjoy it. He still complimented Kali on the meal; probably a little stiffly, but genuinely. She accepted the praise with a nod and Sam found it hard to tell if she was pleased or not. Considering her usual lack of patience for bullshit, he thought his sincerity came through at least.

 

“Told you she was great, didn't I?” Gabriel exclaimed. “Oh boy, did I think I'd lucked out when we started living together and I found she could cook like a domestic goddess. Our first night together, she pulls out all the stops.” Gabriel sighed in apparent bliss at the memory. “If I ever need a last meal, I'mma make them make Kali cook for me. Then, after giving me this taste of heaven, she tells me her schedule means _I'll_ be the one cooking at least four nights out of seven. You're a cruel woman, beautiful.” He shook his head sadly.

 

“Yes,” Kali replied, “because that worked out so well for me.”

 

“Taste of heaven, Kali!” Protested Gabriel, waving his fork around. “Heartlessly snatched away.”

 

Kali was unimpressed. “Believe me, if I had had the time, I would have done the cooking. It would have been considerably easier.”

 

Sam was feeling rather lost. “Gabriel can’t cook?”

 

Gabriel looked offended. “Nothing wrong with my cooking! I made dessert tonight.”

 

“No, he _can_ cook,” Kali explained, turning towards Sam. “But when he does he seems to use every pan and utensil in the kitchen. Then he isn't very good about doing the washing up.” Sam winced. That was certainly an anti-social habit in a housemate and explained the way Gabriel had made his escape from Sam's apartment well before Sam had got around to tackling the dishes. His heart sank as he wondered why Kali had ever, and presumably still did, put up with it. As forthright as she usually was, he couldn't imagine her doing so unless she cared about Gabriel. Probably quite a lot.

 

Sam found himself drifting out of the conversation. Gabriel was in magnificent form, telling story after story, with Kali adding in comments and corrections in a dry tone but with the slightest lift of her mouth, which Sam thought might be a smile. Every so often one of them would turn to Sam, to offer an explanation for some in-joke he hadn't been able to catch or to look for his reaction. He provided smiles and laughter and the odd comment in what seemed like the appropriate places, and hoped he avoided visibly flinching when Gabriel broke off to explain that Baldur had been Kali's cat who had been fond of jumping off bookcases at him. Sam nodded, and laughed, and wondered what this conversation would look like without him. Just the fond recall of shared memories without the interruption of having to fill in a stranger.

 

Dinner over, Gabriel started to gather up the plates. “Dessert time,” he announced cheerfully. “Come gimme a hand would ya, Sammy?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Sam scrambled to his feet, confused, and followed Gabriel into the kitchen. After Kali's comments about Gabriel and washing up, Sam was half expecting Gabriel to abandon the dishes on the nearest counter. He was not expecting Gabriel to round on him the moment the door shut behind them.

 

“Alright, I'm not going to ask you this again, Sammy. What the hell is the matter?” He sounded angry but looked more concerned. Sam opened his mouth to answer but Gabriel interrupted. “And do _not_ give me any 'I'm fine' bullshit again. Fool me twice shame on me, and I already let you get away with that crap once tonight. I don't know where the hell your head's at, but it sure ain't here. If you didn't want to be here that badly, Sammy, why'd you bother coming?” he finished tiredly.

 

Sam bit back the honest answer _for you_ . Because, damn it, he _hadn't_ wanted to come. And it was Gabriel who hadn't given him a choice and he had every right to be angry about that. And this was still an absolutely horrible time to have this conversation but if Gabriel was going to push it then Sam wasn't meekly backing down. “Because that would have been just fine with you, right?” Sam snapped back. “After all the trouble you went to to trick me into agreeing in the first place.”

 

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “The hell are you talking about, Sam?”

 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, don't pretend to be stupid. You manipulated me. Don't try to tell me you didn't deliberately make me assume Kali wouldn't be here to make me agree.”

 

“Hey, you know what they say,” Gabriel said with an ugly sneer, “don't assume, kiddo, it just makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.”

 

“Oh, my God, what are you, five?” hissed Sam. “Could you be serious for once?” He knew he was looming over Gabriel but he didn't seem at all intimidated.

 

“Well, yeah, maybe I would be if you'd just fucking tell me what the hell your problem is.” Gabriel glared up at him. “Come on, so Kali's here, so what? You knew all along I was fucking her. So, just what the hell is your issue with her?”

 

“Nothing, okay! I don't have a problem with Kali.” Sam lowered his voice, aware that they'd already been too long to just be fetching dessert and for Kali not to have already come to see what they were doing meant she must be deliberately giving them privacy. He just hoped their argument wasn't carrying. “I have a problem with being lied to. My _issue_ is with you being in love with her when you told me you weren't.”

 

Sam was ready with a 'don't try to deny it' to throw at Gabriel, only Gabriel didn't. He flinched and for a moment looked so hurt and _lonely_ that all Sam wanted to do was hold him close and apologise. Right up until his mouth kicked in. “Oh, yeah, right I get it. I'm not allowed to fuck you and I'm not allowed anyone else either. Gotta be your celibate little angel and God forbid you should ever have to deal with someone _else's_ needs.” Gabriel spat out, right in Sam's personal space, his eyes furious.

 

Swallowing, Sam made an effort to regain his anger. He only managed to feel tired and terribly sad. “I never...” He sighed. “I don't care who you sleep with, Gabriel. I just... I don't like being lied to and made to feel stupid. I don't know what you want. But... you and Kali... you're obviously good together. And I won't be in the middle of that. I thought you might -” he stopped himself from voicing the _love me_ . “It doesn't matter. This is better. Everyone will be happier.” _Except me_.

  
Sam allowed himself one last look at Gabriel, his face twisted into something angry and pained but still lovely. Then he turned and left quickly, ignoring Max trying to rub up against his ankles and not bothering to check if Kali had been listening to them. More than half of him hoped that Gabriel might call him back, although Sam had no idea what he would do if he did. He didn't.

 


	8. Chapter 7

Sam hadn't realised it was possible to be this miserable for this long. Three weeks after walking away from Gabriel and it still hurt as much as it had as Sam had left his apartment. It felt like he missed him every damn minute, everywhere he went. The extent to which Gabriel had woven himself into Sam's life was a surprise; a painful one now that he was suddenly absent again. Even his own apartment contained unpleasant reminders. Sam was never admitting to _anyone_ that he'd had to throw out a toothbrush because he couldn't stand to look at it.

 

Work, at least, was something he could throw himself into, and he did, single-mindedly. He no longer pretended not to be avoiding Kali, not meeting her eyes on the rare occasions their paths happened to cross. Sam wasn't certain which client she was currently handling, but whatever their case was it seemed to take her out of the office often.

 

Ava had taken to hanging around in Sam's office as often as she could get away with. Sam suspected he wasn't doing as good a job of hiding his misery as he hoped and she had taken it on herself to cheer him up. Whatever the reason, it seemed she was intercepting and personally delivering every one of Sam's messages, as well as bringing him coffee and reminding him to eat when he lost track of time.

 

She was perched on his spare chair chatting away about something to do with her husband's sister. Or possibly her sister's husband. Sam was only half listening, busy reading through the evidence for a minor shoplifting case, which he was almost certain would never see court. At least Ava didn't seem to mind his lack of attention.

 

The brisk knock at the door startled them both, Ava jumping to her feet and looking guilty. “Co-” Sam started but was cut off by the door opening and Kali practically marching in.

 

“Samuel.” Sam's skin crawled at the full name that _no-one_ ever used. “We have to talk.”

 

Ava stared at him wide-eyed. _What did you do?_ she mouthed. Sam tried to convey a shrug with just his eyes. There hadn't been anything work related he and Kali had collaborated on in months; no reason there for her to want to talk to him. So, he presumed it was something personal. Which made no sense at all, not after three weeks. For a few days afterwards, yes, he had been worried about some kind of confrontation. But since then his avoidance of her had been due to memories, not fear of her reaction.

 

Kali tapped her foot, holding the door open. Ava jerked. “Umm, yes right. Things to do. Important things! Bye!” She shot out of the open door and Kali let it fall shut behind her.

 

Sam straightened and tried to look at ease. “Can I help you with something? I'm actually really busy at the moment, so you might be better off asking someone else.”

 

“I don't want to talk to you about work,” said Kali calmly. Sam couldn't read her expression.

 

He took a deep breath. “Then I don't think I have anything to say to you.” He suppressed a wince; that had come out colder than he had intended. They had to work, if not together, then at least in the same building, after all.

 

Kali's eyes flashed. “Then you can listen while _I_ talk. After that you can make up your own mind, but you are going to hear me first.” She didn't raise her voice but her anger was obvious.

 

Sam knew when a fight was a lost cause; he surrendered with as much grace as he could. “Okay then,” he gestured to the chair opposite his desk, “can we get this over with?”

 

“Not here. And you aren't the only one who is busy today. I will find you after work.” Kali turned on her heel and left. Sam was left staring after her, wondering if she had planned this deliberately to torture him with the wait.

 

**

 

Sam didn't even try to avoid Kali at the end of the day. Whatever she had to say to him couldn't be worse than sitting around worrying about it. Ten minutes after their work day officially ended Sam went and knocked on her office door. Somehow he suspected going to her was preferable to making her come and find him. She greeted him with a quickly masked look of surprise. Gathering up her coat and briefcase, she gestured for Sam to follow her.

 

Mutely trailing along behind her, Sam was led into a taxi and, after a silent and uncomfortable ride, out again and into a bar. Being midweek, it was relatively empty. She deposited him at a table and left him fidgeting uncomfortably while she fetched them drinks. Sitting back down, she watched Sam intently, in silence, until he took a gulp of his drink to break the tension. Kali sipped hers, considerably more elegantly, and broke the silence. “You look almost as bad as Gabriel does.”

 

Sam was certain his flinch was visible. He knew he looked unhappy, to put it mildly. But the whole time he had been picturing Gabriel happier. Sad for a short time, perhaps, but getting over it. The idea that Gabriel looked as bad, worse from Kali's phrasing, hurt. And, damn but it hurt to realise just how much he still cared.

 

Kali was still watching him and she nodded at whatever she saw. “Now, I am just about out of patience, and it is time _someone_ told me what happened.” Her words were cold, but, somehow, she still didn't sound angry.

 

“That's really not any of your business,” replied Sam, bristling at her presumption.

 

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. “Yes, it _is_ ,” Kali glowered at him, leaning forward and pinning him with her gaze. “When it is my partner acting like a caricature of himself, trying to hide the fact that he is utterly miserable, and making _my_ life miserable in consequence. Then I assure you that it is _absolutely_ my business.”

 

Sam flinched again. “I didn't mean -” He broke off, not knowing how to finish.

 

“What you meant is irrelevant,” Kali stated cooly. “What matters is what you did. I know you instigated this break up. If I hadn't guessed it before, everything about you is screaming guilt every time I mention Gabriel's name. You're a poor actor.” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, looking suddenly tired. “Tell me what happened.”

 

Once again, Sam surrendered. “He lied to me, okay? About something important, from almost the first time we met. And when I knew that, I couldn't... Leaving was just better for everyone.” He began angrily but his final sentence was a whisper.

 

“Sam,” Kali was frowning, “tell me what he lied to you about.”

 

“Why are you asking me?” Sam snapped. “You live with Gabriel, go home and get him to talk to you!”

 

“Yes, because that option never occurred to me,” retorted Kali, rolling her eyes. “He won't talk to me. So, you _are_ going to.” She leaned back and stirred her drink, giving every impression of being willing to wait indefinitely.

 

Sam took a sip of his drink and a deep breath. Looking at Kali, he realised he wasn't getting out of this conversation without spilling everything. Best to get it over with. “He said he didn't love you.” He winced at the harshness of the statement. “And well, it’s pretty obvious that isn't true,” he finished lamely.

 

Kali was frozen, almost looking shocked. “No,” she said after a long pause, with total certainty. Sam made to protest and she cut him off. “ _No_ . Gabriel lies, only a fool would deny that. But he would not have lied about that. Not to you. Tell me what he actually _said_.”

 

“He said...” Sam stopped and thought about it, trying to remember Gabriel's actual words as closely as possible. “Something like 'we live together. But it's just sex'.”

 

“Gabriel, you _fucking idiot_ ,” Kali cursed vehemently and Sam stared, startled. “I wish I could say I don't believe he said that, but, unfortunately, I do. I do know the man, after all.” She ran her hand through her hair and sighed. “I also know he was technically being completely honest.”

 

“Don't try to tell me he doesn't love you,” protested Sam in a tired voice. “It's _really_ obvious and really uncomfortable to be stuck in the middle of with no warning.”

 

“No, he does love me.” Kali sounded regretful.  “This would be simpler for everyone if he didn't, but it is what it is.” She took another drink. “He loves me. I don't love him.” Sam blinked, shocked at the simple statement. Kali held up a finger and continued before he could interrupt. “'Just sex', therefore, might be a misleading way of describing the situation, but it isn't a lie.”

 

“But you... Uh, sorry, but... Why are you together then?” Sam frowned. “Not that it's any of my business,” he added, feeling he was being intrusive.

 

Kali shrugged, one hand fidgeting with her necklace. “Why do any two people live together? Financially, it makes good sense. I have no objection to sharing accommodations with someone and Gabriel dislikes living alone. We know, and tolerate, each other's quirks. The same reasons any friends might share an apartment.” She smiled. “With, perhaps, rather more excellent sex than most friendships involve.” Her smile faded and she looked tired again. “And it _is_ your business. Or it was. Did you somehow miss that you were in a relationship involving three people? You had the right to ask about Gabriel's relationship with me and expect honest answers.”

 

“I... never thought about it that way.” Sam admitted, swallowing hard. Had done his best to avoid thinking about it at all, honestly. He might have had the right to ask but he hadn't and now he had lost it. No, worse. He had thrown it away. Over what he was now suspecting was a colossal misunderstanding. “Why the hell couldn't Gabriel have told me all this? Really told me, not just misleading smartass comments,” he asked, trying for anger but mostly hitting plaintive.

 

“He could have. He _should_ have,” Kali responded. “Of course, he should also come with a warning label reading 'uncomfortable in personal situations and bad at explaining myself'.” Sam snorted a laugh against his will and Kali smiled briefly but fondly. “Whether he thought you understood, or didn't want to push you, or make you uncomfortable?” She shook her head. “I don't know. You will have to ask him, if you find it important.”

 

Sam laughed bitterly. “No, I guess it isn't important now. And it isn't like I'm going to get a chance to ask, is it?” He pushed back his chair and went to stand up. “Thanks. For explaining. I... if you think it will do Gabriel any good to hear it, tell him I'm sorry?”

 

“You ridiculous...” Kali muttered. “Sit down!” Sam subsided back into his chair. “I haven't subjected us both to this conversation for the fun of it. Sam. I do not love Gabriel. Yes, he loves me but he has loved me for most of the last ten years and we haven't yet metamorphosised into a happy fairytale couple. He's had other partners in the past and will do so again in the future. And our relationship with each other will not be damaged by that. The only thing you leaving him will change? The other person will not be you.” Her dark eyes kept Sam pinned in his seat as she watched his reactions intently. “Do you understand?”

 

“Not exactly?” he hazarded. Kali waited while Sam gathered his thoughts to continue. “So... Gabriel dates other people and just sleeps with you? You two don't date at all? And you... do the same?”

 

“Gabriel forms whatever relationships he chooses with whoever he chooses,” replied Kali. She paused, as if considering how much to say. “I, as a rule, do not. Gabriel is the one who feels there is an aspect of our relationship that is absent, not I. I will often sleep with his other partners, if they are amenable. That depends entirely on the other person.” She finished and watched Sam, almost expectantly.

 

“Okay,” Sam said, drawing out the word as he thought. Then Kali's actual words hit him. _Oh_. “Hang on. You don't date. And you're happy with just sex.” He mentally put the pieces together and cursed himself for an idiot for not realising before. “You... are you aromantic?”

 

Kali inclined her head, somehow making the movement look faintly condescending, an acknowledgement to a rather slow person who had finally caught on. “If you will insist on giving me a label not of my own choosing,” Sam caught the _don't_ loud and clear, “then, yes. That one is probably closest.”

 

“Oh,” Sam mumbled, his shoulders sagging. He thought Kali appeared vaguely sympathetic as she continued.

 

“ _Now_ , do you understand?”

 

“Yeah, I get it, okay. I fucked up and threw away something really good for no reason.” Sam's breath caught and he rubbed his eyes, relieved to find them dry.

 

Kali leaned back in her seat and just watched him for a long moment. “Do you want him back?” she asked at last, almost casually.

 

Sam's head shot up and he gave an honest answer before even thinking about it. “Yes,” he struggled to clamp down on the far too bright surge of hope in his chest. “He can't want to talk to me after this though.”

 

“Try,” insisted Kali. “Gabriel cares about you, that's obvious. If you care about him, enough to tolerate me, enough to work on this with the two of us? Then _try_. If it doesn't work?” She raised one shoulder in an elegant shrug. “You will have done your best.” She paused. “Do you still have his number?”

 

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I never deleted it.” He took a shaky breath. “You think he might be willing to talk to me?”

 

“If he doesn't answer, then text him. Just... try.” Kali repeated. “It isn't as if you have much to lose, at this stage.”

 

Sam snorted. “Yeah, thanks for reminding me.” He drained the rest of his drink. “Okay. I'll try.” He stood up and Kali rose with him, following him silently out the the bar. Outside she started looking around for a taxi and Sam gestured down the street. “I'll walk. See you at work, I guess.”

 

“I expect so.” Sam was about to turn to leave when Kali continued. “Thank you. For listening.” Her face was unreadable but something prompted him to offer his hand. She shook it, solemnly. It felt strangely like they had sealed a pact of some kind. Sam walked away feeling hopeful.

 

**

 

A week later and Sam's hope had almost entirely faded. Gabriel wouldn't answer his calls. Sam hadn't been surprised, at first, but he had hoped that persistence would get him somewhere. All it had gotten him was Gabriel deactivating his voicemail. Texts went unanswered. Sam had taken to stopping by the Bean Bag after work again, on the slim chance that Gabriel had been telling the truth when he said he liked the place and so might be there too. Sam sat alone and drank his coffee, biting back bitter laughter at the irony of the situation and pretending not to see the pitying looks from the waitresses.

 

At lunchtime Sam dropped into Kali's office. “I don't think this is going to work,” he said by way of greeting, despondent.

 

She looked up from her laptop and frowned. “He _is_ being a particularly stubborn fool about this,” she agreed. A pause for thought and she added, “I am becoming severely tempted to sit on him and hold the phone to his ear.”

 

If she'd hoped to get a laugh out of Sam she failed. He sighed. “Or I could just accept that he isn't interested in talking to me and this is over.”

 

Kali ignored him. “I think you really need to speak to him in person.” She tapped her fingers on her desk. “I could bring you to our apartment, I suppose. But, that has a high chance of backfiring. Gabriel is... unpleasant when he feels cornered.”

 

Remembering the way Gabriel had lashed out at him during their last talk, Sam winced. “Yeah, I'd like to start with him not any madder at me than he already is, thanks. Besides, that's a bit more 'creepy stalker' than I was going for here.” He sighed, then straightened as a thought occurred to him. “Hey, he usually walks Max in the same park, right?”

 

Kali smiled slowly. “At weekends, yes.”

 

Sam took a deep breath. “Alright then. Saturday. Then if he won't talk to me, that's that.”

**

 

Saturday found Sam sitting on a park bench, waiting, and hoping he looked less awkward than he felt. He'd been there for hours, not wanting to risk missing Gabriel, but also knowing the alternative was pacing around his apartment worrying and possibly managing to talk himself into backing out. Clasping his hands together and ignoring an odd look from a jogger on her third lap, Sam desperately hoped Gabriel did turn up today; he doubted he would be able to get up the nerve to try again. His phone had been silent in his pocket all day, but he checked it anyway, on the off chance that Kali had some information, or even words of encouragement for him. He almost smiled at the thought. Kali was many things, but Sam couldn't quite imagine encouraging being one of them.

 

Loud barking and children's raucous laughter from up the path startled him. He looked up from his hands and saw a small terrier bouncing around two excited children and a woman attempting to shoo it away. His breath caught. He couldn't be certain but he was pretty sure the dog was Max. A quick scan of the park and he couldn't see Gabriel anywhere. No-one else seemed to be claiming the dog though, so Sam stood up and called, “Max? Max, here boy!” The dog's ears pricked up and it turned and charged for Sam, colliding hard with his ankles. He knelt down to pet it. It was definitely Max, his whole body vibrating as his tail wagged. Sam scooped him up in his arms, laughing as Max wiggled and tried to get into a position to lick his face.

 

The woman had gathered the two children up and marched past Sam, muttering loudly about people who couldn't keep their pets under control. Sam didn't bother correcting her, sitting back down with Max on his lap and scratching his ears. “Hey boy,” he whispered. “Missed you. Where's Gabriel, huh?” Max's tail wagged harder at the name. “You run off and leave him? I know he's looking for you. Shall we go find him, Max? Co-”

 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing with my dog?” an angry voice interrupted. Gabriel was standing there, hands on hips, looking prepared to ignite Sam with his glare. Sam jumped to his feet, flinching guiltily and hugging Max closer on instinct. His mouth was dry and _dammit_ he was sure he'd had something ready to say to Gabriel. Something well planned and reasonably eloquent and he couldn't remember a single word of it now that they were actually face to face. Not when he could see the shadows under Gabriel’s eyes, stark against his pale skin, the shirt that was a little looser than it should be and the tense, unhappy set of his entire body.

 

Gabriel didn't seem bothered by his silence. “Oh this is fucking brilliant. Hell, have I not made it clear enough that I do _not_ want to talk to you? Christ, can’t you take a damn hint?” He ran a hand through his hair, yanking it in agitation. “So what, you can't take no for an answer? Now you're resorting to dog-napping? Planning on holding Max to ransom until I answer your fucking calls?” He glared at Sam and hunched his shoulders, an odd mixture of fury and vulnerability.

 

Under any other circumstances, Sam would have laughed at the melodrama of someone seriously accusing him of dog-napping. As it was, he didn't find it funny in the slightest. He swallowed. “I'm sorry,” he managed. “I just... I just wanted to talk to you. I saw Max without you, and I was about to go looking for you to bring him back. I wouldn't... Sorry.” He bent down and put Max on the ground, scratching his ears one final time. Max wagged his tail and trotted to Gabriel as he called curtly. Sam took a long, slow breath. Gabriel didn't want to talk to him and that was his right. Sam was a big boy, he could man up and deal with it. “I shouldn't have... Sorry,” he repeated. “I'll just go. Bye.” He tried for a smile and knew he missed it by a huge distance. Most likely his eyes were doing what Jess had always called 'his puppy dog thing' and looking completely pathetic. He turned and started to walk away.

 

“Wait.” Sam froze at the bitten off comment, not daring to breathe as he waited to see if Gabriel would continue. “Sit your ass down and say whatever the hell it is.” Turning back, Sam saw that Gabriel had sat himself on the very end of the bench with Max on his knees, one hand stroking the terrier's head, the other with a white knuckled grip on his collar. “I don't want to lose any sleep tonight wondering what the fuck it is you were so desperate to say that you didn't get into our last little chat.” His mouth twisted unpleasantly. “Thought up a few more grievances you just gotta get out there?”

 

Sam sat back down cautiously. He offered a silent 'thank you' to whatever had made Gabriel soften just that bit and took a minute to breathe. He had a chance. “Gabriel.” The park could hardly be called quiet; it was a nice spring day and plenty of people were out. But Sam's soft voice still seemed loud. “Gabriel,” he repeated, silently begging him to meet his eyes. As difficult as this would be, he'd much prefer Gabriel to actually look at him. He'd have taken the risk of saying everything to Gabriel’s voicemail otherwise.

 

Finally, Gabriel's eyes flicked up, caught Sam's and held them. Gabriel set his jaw but didn't look away again. “I am so so sorry. I was a total idiot and I jumped to conclusions and I was completely unfair. I should have just talked to you, not accused you and _hell_ I should have listened and not hurt you. You look awful and it's my fault. And _dammit_ Gabriel, I am _sorry_.” Having started he didn't want to stop and face Gabriel's reaction. Even looking straight at him, with Gabriel holding his gaze like a challenge, Sam didn't have a clue what he was thinking. “I know I don't deserve your forgiveness,” he continued. “I'm not even asking for it. I just want you to know how sorry I am. Please, believe me, Gabriel. Please.”

 

Gabriel looked away, down at Max nuzzling at his hand where the stroking had stopped. Sam's shoulders slumped and he tried to prepare himself for rejection. Gabriel sighed. “Fucking hell, Kiddo. I wish I could get my hands on whoever made you think so damn little of yourself.” He sounded tired but not angry and Sam frowned.

 

“What? I don't -”

 

“The _hell_ you don't!” Gabriel interrupted. “I dunno what else you'd call it. 'I don't deserve forgiveness',” he parroted back, voice mocking. “Just stop being so 'sorry' for five minutes and try doing something because _you_ want to, not because it's your fucking penance. And dammit, if I hear you apologise one more time for something that wasn't your fault, I will not be responsible for my actions.” Sam's inhaled sharply and Gabriel's eyes flicked to him for a second and away again. “I get it, you're sorry. You've said it, it's off your chest, you can go get on with your life.”

 

“ _Gabriel_ ,” Sam whispered, fisting his hands to stop himself from reaching out for him. “I said I'm sorry because I meant it and I wanted you to know it. Not to make myself feel better, not for anything else, just because it's true, okay.” Gabriel opened his mouth to respond, but Sam kept talking. “No, wait. Yeah, it wasn't all my fault. But part of it was. And that part, I'm sorry for.” He shrugged. “If you think a bit of it was your fault too? Sort of up to you if you want to apologise for that. I'm not going to ask you to.”

 

“You ever ask for anything, Sammy?” asked Gabriel and Sam was cheered by the return of the nickname.

 

“Not when I really want someone to offer,” replied Sam honestly. “Kind of feels like it means less if I've had to ask?”

 

To Sam's surprise, Gabriel laughed. “Yeah, sorta explains a few things.” He was back to not meeting Sam's eyes. “I do. Owe you an apology.” There was a long pause and Gabriel grimaced. “I'm sorry,” he mumbled, as if the words physically pained him, but they were there and Sam smiled in relief. “Shoulda come right out and told you everything. _Really_ shouldn't have snapped at you like I did.” He fell silent.

 

Sam inched over on the bench and stretch out his hand to lay over Gabriel's, squeezing briefly before returning it to his own lap. “It's okay,” he said, smiling because just then he really believed it. After a long pause, Sam ventured, “Gabriel? Why _didn't_ you just tell me everything?”

 

“Honestly?” Gabriel gave a long sigh and half turned to look at Sam. “I kinda figured you'd already got it from what I told you at first. It was only later when I started to think you didn't. And by then? Hell, if you can think of a way to say 'by the way, that woman I live and sleep with? Totally in love with her. Been in love with her pretty much since we met. But it's fine, it doesn't mean I l- _like_ you any less' without getting a punch for my troubles? I'd love to hear it. Any way I said it, it'd've sound like I lied to you, by that point.” He paused and bit his lip, seeming torn on whether to say more. “You do get that it doesn't mean I like you any less, right?”

 

Sam nodded. “Yeah, Gabriel, I know.” He hadn't missed Gabriel's stutter and guessed what he'd been unable to say. But this was hardly the time for grand declarations, since they hadn't actually agreed anything yet. “I know this isn't a zero-sum game. It was just... if you lied about that then what else had you lied about? And how was I meant to compare with what you two have? Sounds pathetic, but I just wanted you to be happy. I thought that'd be easier without me in the way.”

 

“Me and Kali can't be,” Gabriel replied bluntly. “Not by ourselves. And it's not a comparison! I'm not, I dunno, grading you against each other or something damn it!” His lips were a thin, miserable line, his voice frustrated. “I've never got why you're allowed all these friends, all different. And you get different things from them and give them different bits of you. But when it comes to lovers? Noooo, it's all 'one person forever' and 'find your missing half'. And if that doesn't work for you, of course you're a pervert, or a cheat, or just plain broken.” He smiled an ugly, bitter smile that Sam ached to kiss away. He clenched his fists to stop himself reaching out and smothering Gabriel in a hug he still wasn't sure would be welcome.

 

“I'm sorry,” Sam murmured again. “I think I get it now. Should probably have gotten it before but, like you said, they really are letting anyone into Stanford these days.” Gabriel huffed out a laugh that still wasn't quite happy, but Sam judged it to be an awful lot closer.

 

“And I didn't exactly help with that,” admitted Gabriel after a pause.

 

“Not really,” Sam agreed, greeting Gabriel's outraged look with a shrug. “It's okay though, I do forgive you.” Gabriel's outrage melted into shock and Sam smiled fondly. “Look,” he continued more soberly, “I can't promise I'll never feel like I'm in the way again. You and Kali... call it what you like, you have something strong together. And I'm really not used to this. But... can we try again? If you want to? Because I do.” He stared at his hands, a little afraid to meet Gabriel's eyes. He heard Gabriel's breath catch but didn't look up.

 

“Even with Kali?” Gabriel clarified. “'Cos that ain't gonna change, Sam. I know you don't like her.”

 

Sam's head jerked up at that, because... well, yes, he realised he could see how he'd given Gabriel that impression. Probably Kali too, come to that. “That's not... I don't dislike her.” Gabriel's expression called bullshit, so Sam elaborated. “I don't really _know_ her. Only professionally and, honestly? There, she's kind of scary. Which is great, she's a fantastic lawyer. Uh, I just really wouldn't want to be on her bad side.”

 

Gabriel laughed. “Oh yeah, I'm right with you there! She is one terrifying lady if you make her mad. But, we've made it this far without her stabbing me, and I am _way_ more annoying than you. So, chances are you're safe!”

 

“That's true, you are much more annoying than me,” Sam agreed. “No promises I can't keep, okay?” he continued, meeting Gabriel's eyes again and forcing himself not to look away. “I can't promise this will work out. But I'm willing to try.” He couldn't quite bring himself to add the 'for you' but, if his puppy dog eyes were working, he figured the message probably came across anyway.

 

Gabriel just stared at him for a long moment, until Sam had to bite his lip, struggling not to look away and say something to break the moment. He had about a second's warning, the slightest flicker of Gabriel's blank expression, before he was throwing himself into Sam's lap. There was a disgruntled bark as Max scrambled for safety, then Gabriel was cupping Sam's cheeks in his hands and pressing brief, frantic, kisses to his mouth.

 

Sam gripped Gabriel's shoulder with one hand, stroked his back with the other, closed his eyes and just held on. Gabriel showed no sign of stopping the shower of kisses any time soon, so Sam returned them, softer and slower, until Gabriel finally relaxed against his hands and lips. Sliding one hand down Sam's cheek and around to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, Gabriel kissed him again, long and sweet. He finally pulled away, breathing heavily and Sam opened his eyes, smiling at the sight of Gabriel's amber ones only inches away. He refused to let Gabriel out of his arms, not that he showed any signs of wanting to leave. “So, I guess this means yes?” he whispered, still smiling.

 

“Yes. Hells yes. Definitely, absolutely, yes!” Gabriel nodded, grinning at Sam. He threw back his head and laughed. Sam buried his head in the crook of his neck.

 

“Good. _Good_ ,” he whispered fiercely. “Thank you.” He felt dizzy with relief and amazement that he got to have this again. He inhaled deeply and kissed Gabriel's neck, reveling in the faint scratch of stubble against his cheek and the feel of Gabriel breathing, under his hands and against his face. He hugged Gabriel tighter. _I didn't really think I'd get you back_.

 

Gabriel returned the tight embrace, both arms wrapped around Sam and squeezing. “Right back atcha, Sammy.” His voice came out a little choked. “Thanks.” They just held each other for a long minute, until Gabriel patted Sam on the back and drew away. “So, hey, Max's walk got a bit interrupted here. Wanna come with us for the rest of it?” Max was sitting patiently on the ground and giving them an imploring look that Sam swore Gabriel was matching. He wondered who had learned it from who.

 

“Sure,” Sam replied. “Wouldn't want to disappoint Max, would we?” Gabriel grinned, jumped up and grabbed Sam's hand to pull him to his feet.

 

Somehow, Sam's hand just stayed in Gabriel's as they wandered through the park. It felt more natural and comfortable than Sam had dared to hope. And, when Max was panting and starting to droop, it felt perfectly right to agree to walk Gabriel home, although not without teasing him over the ridiculous eyebrow waggle that accompanied the request.

 

They stopped outside Gabriel's apartment. Sam noticed his car in the parking lot and assumed it had either been successfully repaired or brought home for an honourable funeral. “Coming up?” Gabriel asked, his voice casual but his expression challenging. Sam took a deep breath. _Money where your mouth is_.

 

“Sure,” he answered, shrugging like it was no big deal. Gabriel probably wasn't fooled but he accepted Sam's answer and led the way upstairs.

 

Kali was sitting on a couch with the newspaper when Sam followed Gabriel and Max through the door. As they entered she looked up, her expression going from curious to satisfied as she saw Sam. “Three for dinner tonight then?” she asked mildly.

 

Sam shuffled a touch self-consciously. “If that's okay?”

 

“Of course.” Kali went back to her newspaper. Gabriel looked between the two of them, passed Max's lead to Sam and marched over to stand in front of Kali.

 

“You're the most devious, manipulative woman I have ever met,” he announced, his arms crossed. Before Kali could respond he had knelt on the couch and pulled her into a hug. His face buried against her neck he whispered, so low and fervent Sam barely caught the words, “ _Thank you_.”

 

If Kali replied, Sam missed it. She stroked through Gabriel's hair and cradled his head. Sam chose to give them some privacy, going to check Max had enough water. By the time he got back to the living room, their moment had passed. Gabriel bounced up off the couch and brushed by Sam with a quick squeeze of his hand. “Coffee?” He didn't wait for a reply and vanished into the kitchen to clatter about with mugs.

 

Sam took the free couch and had hardly been sat down for ten seconds before Max was in his lap. Kali appeared engrossed in the paper again. He took a deep breath. He was sure he could leave it. Say nothing and, even if Kali noticed, he thought she would keep her thoughts to herself. But... he did owe her. “Thanks,” he offered into the quietness, meeting her eyes only briefly.

 

Kali showed no surprise. “You're welcome.” She paused. “I hope that remains your sentiment.”

 

“I think it will,” Sam replied with confidence. “Whatever happens next.”

 

Kali nodded, apparently satisfied. They both subsided into silence and waited for Gabriel to rejoin them.

 


	9. After

 

Just because the three of them had agreed to try to make it work, didn't mean it happened easily. Sam had never expected that. Turning up at Gabriel and Kali's apartment on a Saturday to find Gabriel out felt awkward, even as Kali invited him in and told him to make himself at home. He hovered, debating settling down with a book, as Kali curled herself up on a couch under a laptop and a pile of papers.

 

“Mind if I make some coffee?” he asked. He took Kali's impatient gesture towards the kitchen as the go-ahead. “Get you one too?”

 

“No, tea please,” requested Kali, handing him an empty cup.

 

Sam was pleased to find a simple coffee maker; he'd been afraid Gabriel's tastes would run to the expensive and intricate. He set it and the kettle going and left them as he scoured the cupboards for tea. Finally turning up a tin, he groaned. Reluctantly sticking his head back into the living room he called, “Uh, Kali? My tea-making doesn't go beyond sticking a bag in a mug of hot water and poking it. Not got a clue how to do loose.”

 

He was grateful Kali got up without a grumble, although he thought he did catch a sigh. She retrieved a small tea pot and rinsed it out with the just boiled water. “Warm it, then add a teaspoon of tea and fill the pot with boiled water,” she instructed, moving slowly as she showed him. “Then you leave it to brew, for a few minutes.” She leaned back against the cabinets and looked contemplative. “If we were doing this my grandmother's way, we would have mixed the tea with spices, water, milk and sugar and brewed it all together over the stove.” She sounded almost nostalgic, then caught Sam's gaze and shrugged. “That's how it is usually done in India.”

 

“That sounds...” _Nice? Interesting?_ Either sounded rather weak to Sam. “... Like a lot of bother,” was what he found himself saying instead and winced.

 

To his surprise, Kali laughed. “Yes, actually it is. This is easier, for one person.” She turned around, placed a strainer over the cup and poured her tea, seemingly satisfied.

 

“I'd like to try it sometime. I mean, if you ever make it?” Kali looked at him sharply. Sam fidgeted but didn't look away.

 

“Yes, sometimes I do,” she allowed. “I will when you are here, at some point then.” She picked up her cup and headed for the living room. “Next time, you are making the tea yourself,” she tossed back over her shoulder. “To see if you were paying attention,” Sam laughed, despite knowing she wasn't joking and would only give an explanation patiently once. He poured his coffee and joined Kali to wait for Gabriel.

When Gabriel arrived he was greeted by the announcement, “Your new boyfriend is a barbarian who doesn't know how to make proper tea, I hope you knew that.” Sam was torn between dismay and amusement, but ultimately went with amusement when he saw Gabriel's whole-body laugh and the way he collapsed next to Sam, his grinning lips begging to be kissed. So, Sam did. He was fairly sure the teasing was good-natured anyway.

 

**

 

Sam ignored his nerves and knocked firmly on Kali's office door. He waited for a response before going in, a takeout cup in one hand. “Morning. I thought-” he got a good look at the room. “Oh, hi Ava. Sorry, I'll come back.” More likely he'd actually think better of it and hope Kali chose to ignore the incident.

 

“Wait,” Kali held up a finger. “We're almost finished.” She gestured for Ava to continue.

 

“Oh, yes, right. Okay, so you have your messages. Mrs Piper isn't going to stop calling until she talks to you and you have an appointment at one thirty today. And that's it! I'll be going then.” Ava looked desperately curious but left without a fuss.

 

Kali arched an expectant eyebrow and Sam went into a stumbling explanation, placing the cup on her desk. “I brought you tea. Uh, I didn't make it.” After several weeks of practice his tea-making was currently judged passable, at best. “The Bean Bag has good tea. I'm told. I thought you might like some? Don't know why I never thought of it before.”

 

“Thank you.” Kali sounded surprised. She took a cautious sip. “This is very good.”

 

“Good. I'll just... be seeing you then.” Sam left with a vague wave, only to be ambushed by Ava before making it back to his own office.

 

“What? I have a couple of messages for you too!” she protested at Sam's unimpressed look, pushing a sheet of paper into his hand. “So, since when have you been bringing Kali drinks? Spill, Sam, office gossip missed this one!”

 

“Since right now?” he tried. Ava crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “Look, it's a bit... I could you just drop it, Ava?”

 

Ava gasped. “Oh my _God_ . Sam, are you and Kali _dating_?”

 

“Uh, no!”

 

“You are a _sucky_ liar, Sam.” Ava smiled gleefully.

 

“Ava, we're just...” Only, finishing the sentence really did feel like a lie. “It's complicated? Could you not spread stuff around? Please.”

 

“Oh, fine. Spoil my fun!” She pulled a face. “Gotta get back to work. Later!”

 

Sam let her go and pulled his phone out with a sigh. Better warn Kali, just in case Ava did let something slip. _I might have just left Ava with the impression we're dating_ , he sent.

 

_How?_

 

 _She asked, I said no, looked like I was lying, apparently._ He debated for a moment and, having not received a reply, tapped out another message. _And we sort of are? Maybe. I don't really know what to call it. Something though, right?_ Something where he sometimes slept in her spare room, often snuggled up with her partner. Where they all ate together, and cooked together, because Sam wasn't entirely trusted in the kitchen yet. Where he might brush by her as one of them headed for the bathroom in the morning and catch a glimpse of her before she’d put her make-up on. Sam didn't think 'friends' quite covered it.

 

The response came just as Sam settled himself into his chair. _Yes. Don't mind office gossip. No-one pays much attention. See you at dinner tonight._

 

_I'll pick up bread on the way back._

 

**

 

Sam walked into the Bean Bag, his jacket slung over his shoulder and shirt sleeves rolled up against the summer heat. Gabriel was in his usual spot, sunk cozily into a beanbag against the far wall with his laptop on his knees. He didn't seem to notice Sam until he was looming over him. “No hello kiss for your boyfriend today?” Sam teased.

 

Gabriel startled, then grinned lazily up at him. “Oh, I definitely kissed you hello this morning. I remember it vividly. But, I guess if you're so forgetful, I can give you a reminder.” Laptop safely on the floor, he stood up and fisted his hands in Sam's shirt, pulling him down until they could kiss.

 

The kiss was probably slightly too long for a public setting in the late afternoon, as Sam lost himself in Gabriel's teasing lips and the light hint of teeth, but he couldn't make himself care.

 

“You're cheerful today,” Gabriel commented as they stepped apart.

 

“Good day. Firm won a case and I'd sort of casually mentioned something that gave them the defense strategy.” Sam shrugged. “Boss remembered. He was impressed. Being noticed's good.”

 

“Hey, go you! My hotshot law-boy. Buy ya coffee to celebrate?” Not waiting for a response, Gabriel trotted towards the counter. Sam bent down to grab Gabriel's laptop and move to a table, then stopped, considering. It was _ridiculous_ but it was summer, he was happy and a beautiful man had just kissed him. It seemed a good time to be ridiculous.

 

He lowered himself onto the beanbag before he could think about it too much. And hell, it was a seriously long way down. He was sure he looked absurd, his legs stuck out at strange angles, and altogether too big. But Gabriel was bringing their drinks back and he didn't have time to move even if he had thought better of the idea. He could tell the moment Gabriel spotted him; mostly because their coffees almost ended up on the floor.

 

“Aww, Sammy, don't you look adorable!” he crowed. “Oh man, I have _gotta_ get a picture!”

 

Sam glared. “You have ten seconds to get over here and sit with me before I'm moving.” He'd rarely seen Gabriel move so fast, placing their drinks within reach and dropping down between Sam's legs to snuggle back against him. Sam smiled, wrapped his arms around Gabriel and kissed his head. Ridiculous and mildly uncomfortable, sure, but also sort of perfect.

 

When Kali walked in later they were still there, chatting, cuddling and watching videos on Gabriel's laptop. She didn't quite double-take on seeing them but her surprise and decision not to ask were visible across the room. She ignored them while she ordered, then stopped in front of them on her way to a table. “I don't know why I'm surprised,” Sam was sure Gabriel was grinning unrepentantly, while he looked sheepish.

 

“Kali, beautiful! Come join us!” Gabriel invited.

 

“You must be kidding.” Kali went and settled herself at a nearby table.

 

“Worth a try!” Gabriel accepted defeat gracefully.

 

Sam poked Gabriel in the side when he showed no sign of moving. “Come on, let's go sit with your girlfriend.”

 

He grumbled, but got to his feet, grabbing both their mugs and moving them to Kali's table. Sam pushed himself to his feet and followed, joining them at the small round table bathed in the late afternoon sun.

 

**

 

Turning over under the covers yet again, Sam glared fiercely at the wall and tried to think calming thoughts. As if in response, another moan sounded through the wall. Sam barely resisted the urge to hurl the lamp.

 

It wasn't that he _minded_ Gabriel and Kali having sex. Or even knowing that they were doing it. He usually tried to be doing other things while they were, just because actually listening to them got awkward and he didn't want them feeling that they were leaving him at a loose end when they wanted to be with each other. But no, he didn't mind. Except when they were waking him up at three in the morning. None of them had work in the morning, but still, Sam had been looking forward to a nice, _long_ sleep and that was distinctly not happening.

 

More moaning and a lot of incoherent encouragement, and it sounded like they were getting somewhere, at least. _Cool it, Sam. It's their damn apartment, they can do whatever they want in it_. Repeating that truth to himself didn't make the situation any less annoying.

 

A loud cry from Gabriel and then Kali was shushing him in an unsteady voice and _seriously_ ? “Bit late for that!” he couldn't stop himself from yelling. Dead silence greeted him and he buried his head in a pillow with a groan. _Yeah, that didn't make this more awkward at all_.

 

The next morning he stumbled, bleary-eyed, for the kitchen and caffeine, hoping he might be the only one up and able to avoid the inevitable conversation for a little longer. No such luck, Gabriel and Kali were both there. Kali making tea, dressed in a short robe with her hair a mess and Gabriel perched on a counter, hair also an epic mess. But someone had started the coffee, so Sam didn't turn tail and head back to bed.

 

“Apologies for last night,” Kali offered after a moment. Gabriel nodded.

 

Sam shrugged. “It's fine,” he muttered.

 

“Yeah, no it's not,” put in Gabriel. “It's kinda rude and it made you uncomfortable and that's not fine.” He poured a mug of coffee and pushed it across the counter to Sam.

 

“Okay, apology accepted. And it was only because you woke me up,” he explained. “Give me some warning, so I can do something or go out and I don't care what you get up to.” He paused. It still felt strange discussing the part of the relationship he wasn't directly involved in. “No more 3am sex... would be appreciated.”

 

“That's reasonable.” Kali nodded gravely. “I suppose your reaction means you wouldn't be interested in watching us at any point.”

 

Sam choked on his coffee and spluttered. “What?!?”

 

“Kali! I told ya not to actually ask him that!” Gabriel groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

 

“You aren't interested in participating, that doesn't mean you wouldn't like to be involved in other ways,” elaborated Kali. She took in Sam's red face and shocked expression. “But it seems not.”

 

“Uh, yeah, not.” Sam rubbed his face. He supposed it was a kind offer, from a certain perspective. “Thank you?” He exhaled slowly; he hadn't had enough sleep to deal with this. “Look, I'm tired. Going to head back to my place to sleep for a bit.” Both of them looked ready to argue and he held up a hand. “I'm not running away, alright.” He pressed a kiss to Gabriel's cheek and smiled at Kali before going to find some clothes. “See you later,” he called as he left.

 

**

 

Back in his apartment, Sam had trouble remembering the last time he'd been there. A quick run into the building to check his mail or grab something he needed, sure. But for any length of time? He thought it was probably over three weeks since he had spent the night there.

 

It felt lonely, slipping into bed there now. It wasn't that he always slept with Gabriel when he stayed there. The night before being a case in point. There was always someone else there though, making the place start to feel more like home than his own apartment did.

 

He dropped off to sleep easily, despite his thoughts. Then he gave himself the luxury of a lazy day, napping, watching dvds or reading. It was early evening before Gabriel or Kali tried to contact him, apparently having decided to give him his space. _Kali's gone out for the night_ , Gabriel's text read. _Think she thinks I should spend it spoiling you. You coming back here or shall I come there?_

 

 _You come here_.

 

No reply, but Sam took the lack of argument as agreement. Sure enough, a little later Gabriel turned up with cartons of takeout and a bottle of wine. They ate curled together on the couch, the awkwardness of their last encounter forgotten, until Sam sighed. “Kali didn't have to go out alone.”

 

“Oh, she knows,” Gabriel assured him. “This is her way of making it up to you. She's gonna have fun and you?” He grinned wickedly, plucked an almost empty container out of Sam's hand and left it on the table, before swinging himself on to Sam's lap. “You get me to yourself all night.”

 

“Oh, lucky me,” grumbled Sam, but he smiled to let Gabriel know he meant the words. He stroked his hands up and down Gabriel's back slowly, Gabriel sighing happily and leaning against him. “She doesn't have anything to make up for,” he continued eventually. “She apologised for the sex and the uh...”

 

“Voyeurism,” Gabriel supplied.

 

“Yes, that. I... see where you were coming from with that. Thanks. For the offer.”

 

“But no thanks, getting you loud and clear, Sammy.” Gabriel made an unhappy noise and arched into Sam's hands, making him realise they had stilled. He resumed his stroking.

 

“Thought you were meant to be spoiling me tonight,” Sam murmured, kissing Gabriel softly. Gabriel wasn't content with soft for long, soon turning it deep and warm, his fingers tracing restless trails over Sam's face. Sam didn't stop his movements, slipping his hands under Gabriel's shirt and stroking over his skin. He hummed his enjoyment against Gabriel's mouth and kissed back.

 

They pulled apart, both a little breathless. “Take me to bed,” Sam whispered, delighting in the fact that he wouldn't be misinterpreted. Teased, perhaps, but still respected.

 

True to form Gabriel smirked and refused to shift. “'Fraid I can't pick you up, sweetheart. You want us in bed, you better get us there.”

 

“You've got legs, I am not carrying you,” retorted Sam. He mussed up Gabriel's hair and grinned at him. “Move.”

 

Gabriel got up. “Fine, but I get to be big spoon!”

 

“No you don't, I want to kiss you without straining my neck.”

 

They bickered their way into the bedroom and under the covers, briefly quieting each other with kisses, until they ended up cuddled as close together as they could get, slowly falling asleep.

 

**

 

Gabriel's fingers trailed through Sam's hair, rubbing slow circles on his scalp, and he huffed out a contented sigh, not bothering to open his eyes. It should probably be uncomfortable, lying folded up on the couch so that his head could rest in Gabriel's lap. But Sam was too warm and relaxed to want to move. The television droned quietly in the background, something Kali was watching, he thought, and Gabriel was probably still reading, judging from the way he shook with silent laughter every so often.

 

Sam realised he had no idea how they had got there. Oh, physically he knew. How they had gone from the dining table to the kitchen, him washing up and Kali brewing them masala chai on the stove, filling the apartment with the scent of cinnamon, while Gabriel leaned against the door offering unsolicited advice. How they'd each settled down with their mugs, Kali lounging across the entire couch in the way that meant she didn't want company and Gabriel and Sam should sit together. How Sam had finished his book and been too tired to go and fetch another one, gradually leaning more heavily onto Gabriel's shoulder, until he had kissed his forehead and urged Sam's head down onto his lap.

 

Beyond that though, how they had ended up able to sit in easy silence with each other, no-one feeling the need to make any kind of conversation? How they had become so comfortable with each other and with themselves that they could have this? Sam thought it had happened so slowly he hadn't quite noticed until it had suddenly been there. And how they had managed it, he really had no idea. But he was grateful.

 

He obviously made some audible noise at his thoughts, because Kali snorted a laugh and Gabriel hushed him, still stroking his hair. He quieted and let himself drift off again.

 

The next thing Sam was aware of was Gabriel laughing softly. The television was off and one of Gabriel's hands was entwined with his.

 

“I suppose this means I'm not getting sex tonight?” enquired Kali, sounding mildly curious, not annoyed.

 

“I'll make it up to you, gorgeous. And you know I'll make it worth the wait.” Sam could picture the smug grin on Gabriel's face perfectly.

 

Kali made a considering noise. “I think I can avoid replacing you for a few days longer then.”

 

“Thoughtful,” Gabriel deadpanned.

 

“I know.” There was a long pause. “You're going to have to wake him up when you want to move, you know.”

 

“Guess I'm going to be staying here for a bit then,” replied Gabriel fondly, squeezing Sam's hand. Sam debated saying that he was actually awake but decided he wasn't really awake enough to count. And Gabriel was too comfy to want to move off of.

 

“Well, I'm going to bed. Do you want anything before I go?”

 

“Nah, I'm good. Thanks. Don't forget to dream of me, sexy.” Sam hadn't known it was possible to leer audibly before meeting Gabriel.

 

Kali scoffed. “You're ridiculous.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Good night.”

 

Sam fell back to sleep to the quiet sound of Kali getting ready for bed, Gabriel breathing steadily above him and slowly rubbing his thumb across the back of Sam's hand.

 

**

 

It was the middle of the night when Sam half-awoke, not knowing why. He was alone in bed, just as he had gone to sleep, still warm and cozy. He lifted his head off the pillow and mumbled, “Gab'l?”.

 

“Sorry, Sammy,” came the whispered response. “Didn't mean to wake ya. Kali's reading and the light's annoying. Mind if I creep in with you?”

 

'Sure, get over here' got lost on its way to Sam's mouth and came out an incoherent mess. He found the energy to flip back the covers and make a ‘come here' gesture that was probably invisible in the darkness. Somehow Gabriel seemed to get the point though. The door clicked shut, then Sam felt the mattress dip as Gabriel joined him. He wriggled around until his back was to Sam's chest and dragged Sam’s arm over him. Sam grumbled at the manhandling but went with it, tugging Gabriel more firmly against him and pressing a long kiss to the back of his neck.

 

“Love you,” Sam murmured into Gabriel's hair. Gabriel tensed and Sam cursed the way his brain to mouth filter vanished when he was tired. Half-asleep, in the dark, was _not_ when he had intended to make that particular confession. Gabriel made a soft noise and Sam shushed him. “Shh, go t'sleep.” He kissed Gabriel's neck, softly, until he relaxed again, his breathing deepening towards sleep.

 

Sam was on the verge of dropping off again himself when Gabriel whispered, barely audible, “Love you too, Sammy”. Sam fell asleep smiling to himself.

 

He woke in the morning lying on his back with Gabriel sprawled over his chest. _Cuddle slut was right_ . And drooling on him. _Gross_. “It's a good job I do love you,” Sam breathed, running his hand down Gabriel's back. He stayed there, cuddling Gabriel, until he absolutely had to wriggle his way out to visit the bathroom.

 

He put the coffee on, knowing it wouldn't take long for Gabriel to wake up once deprived of his human pillow. Sure enough, he shuffled into the kitchen just as Sam was pouring the first cup. He passed it to Gabriel and grabbed another for himself.

 

“Do we need to talk about last night?” Gabriel burst out, biting his lip and staring at his feet when Sam's head snapped up to stare at him.

 

“Uh, I don't know, do we?” Sam had half expected Gabriel to ignore it altogether, certainly not to bring it up himself. He took a deep breath. “I love you. I don't think I have anything to add to that.”

 

“Okay,” Gabriel breathed. “Guess there's just one thing I have to say then.” He launched himself across the room and dragged Sam into a fierce, brief, kiss. Sam was already breathless when Gabriel released him, pulling back just enough to look into Sam's eyes properly. “Love you too, Sam.”

 

Sam leant down and kissed him again, slower and sweeter. “Love you,” he breathed against Gabriel's lips.

 

“Excellent, I'm very happy for both of you.” Kali's interrupted them and they separated, smiling widely. She was standing just inside the doorway with arms crossed but a faint smile on her face. “I'll refrain from commenting on how long it took you.” Sam's smile turned rueful. “But might I point out you're in my way, and should I expect this display every morning?”

 

“Sorry, babe,” said Gabriel with a winning grin, moving to put the kettle on.

 

“Bacon and waffles for breakfast?” Sam suggested, reaching for a pan.

 

Gabriel sighed in delight. “Damn, Sammy, I really do love you.”

 

“I do not,” Kali interjected. “But bacon and waffles sounds fine.”

 

Sam grinned and went to dig through the fridge, not quite listening to Gabriel and Kali chatting behind him and wondered how those two people had come to feel so much like home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you all enjoyed it!
> 
> If you want, you can also find me on tumblr with the same name. Reblogging SPN, Sabriel, Richard Speight Jr and random stuff I find interesting.


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